We're done with 75% if 2017, can you believe it? Can you believe that everything you've done in your life has brought you to this moment in time? Neither can I.
I am here in my tiny little bedroom in Melaka on a 3-day weekend. I'm all alone because I'm currently on call for my district hospital emergency department. I get quite anxious tbh to be left alone waiting to be called for cases, but so far it's all good. I am in fact enjoying this solitude by reading my books, doing house chores and catching up on my tv series.
Anyway.
I've been listening to podcasts on my way to work everyday. And this particular channel that i listen to has been very uplifting me to work my self up. In a way that i learn something new everyday, also the input has been nothing dental related. I'm happy that i found a way to pump up my mornings aside from improving my listening skills. The podcasts mostly discuss topics that are very dear to me - psychology, communications, health and financial advises.
I was mainly attracted on the topic of communications - of which I realize lately that I very much sucked at.
One of the things discussed that really hit home hard was when the speaker emphasized on how most of us nowadays are very poor communicators. That's just not how we should operate as sociable species. Communication is skills. It can in fact be taught and learnt. See, i've always have this mindset that i'm just gonna accept that i'm terrible at communicating. That i feel awkward, steely around people. But truth is, it can very much be improved if i am willing to be better at it. I work with people, i need to polish this social skills if i really wanna be good at it.
In medicine we taught to relate sign and symptoms to our findings via investigations to reach a final diagnosis. Well after a long thought, i've reached a conclusion on my social condition. I think i find it hard to connect with people, because i stopped connecting with myself. I lack one thing that most people are very good at. I lack emotional connection for myself. Often times, people knows what they want for themselves. They know what makes them happy and otherwise. Me, i just don't know what's best for myself. I was simply a dead fish, abiding the stream of the river.
Which brings me to another correlation.
For long as I can remember, I don't fall in love. My first high school boyfriend was an exception -- i was jovial, it was a euphoric young love. I experienced it once and nothing was ever like that afterwards. I had a few flings and relationships after him but none of these people, i could really connect with. I usually just move past them quickly if one of us falter. I didn't have the grit to secure the relationships, i was uninterested. If i were to pin a cause for all these failed relationships that i had -- it's because i lack that 1 thing. I wasn't connecting to my emotions. I have short attention span when it comes to expressing/listening to what I was feeling. I didn't know what i want.
(I don't know if i'm making any sense right now)
So, i'm on my way to connect. With myself, my loved ones and people. I wanna let it all out, i wanna be transparent and genuine. I suppress a lot of emotions that now its buried in too deep. It's time to dig them out.
I am here in my tiny little bedroom in Melaka on a 3-day weekend. I'm all alone because I'm currently on call for my district hospital emergency department. I get quite anxious tbh to be left alone waiting to be called for cases, but so far it's all good. I am in fact enjoying this solitude by reading my books, doing house chores and catching up on my tv series.
Anyway.
I've been listening to podcasts on my way to work everyday. And this particular channel that i listen to has been very uplifting me to work my self up. In a way that i learn something new everyday, also the input has been nothing dental related. I'm happy that i found a way to pump up my mornings aside from improving my listening skills. The podcasts mostly discuss topics that are very dear to me - psychology, communications, health and financial advises.
I was mainly attracted on the topic of communications - of which I realize lately that I very much sucked at.
One of the things discussed that really hit home hard was when the speaker emphasized on how most of us nowadays are very poor communicators. That's just not how we should operate as sociable species. Communication is skills. It can in fact be taught and learnt. See, i've always have this mindset that i'm just gonna accept that i'm terrible at communicating. That i feel awkward, steely around people. But truth is, it can very much be improved if i am willing to be better at it. I work with people, i need to polish this social skills if i really wanna be good at it.
In medicine we taught to relate sign and symptoms to our findings via investigations to reach a final diagnosis. Well after a long thought, i've reached a conclusion on my social condition. I think i find it hard to connect with people, because i stopped connecting with myself. I lack one thing that most people are very good at. I lack emotional connection for myself. Often times, people knows what they want for themselves. They know what makes them happy and otherwise. Me, i just don't know what's best for myself. I was simply a dead fish, abiding the stream of the river.
Which brings me to another correlation.
For long as I can remember, I don't fall in love. My first high school boyfriend was an exception -- i was jovial, it was a euphoric young love. I experienced it once and nothing was ever like that afterwards. I had a few flings and relationships after him but none of these people, i could really connect with. I usually just move past them quickly if one of us falter. I didn't have the grit to secure the relationships, i was uninterested. If i were to pin a cause for all these failed relationships that i had -- it's because i lack that 1 thing. I wasn't connecting to my emotions. I have short attention span when it comes to expressing/listening to what I was feeling. I didn't know what i want.
(I don't know if i'm making any sense right now)
So, i'm on my way to connect. With myself, my loved ones and people. I wanna let it all out, i wanna be transparent and genuine. I suppress a lot of emotions that now its buried in too deep. It's time to dig them out.
