Celebrate & Appreciate

Day 17 in Irbid

I now appreciate Malaysian food and weather and the utmost important thing, the endless supply of water. I now understand how we have been taking petty things for granted all this while. Lets take water for example. Because this country has no sea or river or whatever possible reservoir of water, so water supply is very limited. It is nothing unusual for us to have lack of le H two O. Well, for me despite anything else, this has been the biggest challenge of all time. I have to get use to not having my regular twice a day baths. I have to understand that its hard to wash my clothes. And its hard to do ablution. Its not easy to flush when you pee or poo. But I am not complaining. I thank Allah for the beauty of life. See how nice Allah made this land? I am grateful for the dry weather and the heat. I don't sweat that much compared to living in the tropical weather I was used to in Malaysia. So, its okay not to have that much water to bathe.

Whatever it takes, I have to learn how to survive and make both ends meet.

Basic necessities. Ad-Daruriyat. Whether you like it or not, you need those things to live. You don't and you die.

Not everyone over here are lucky enough to get sponsorship or fundings. Some came using their own savings just for the sake of knowledge and I truly admire them. So when we attended a talk on Zakat and Sadaqah today, I felt blessed that I am a scholar. That I don't have to worry for the tuition fees. All I have to do is use my allowances wisely. They have a unit over here, managed by the seniors from Qisim Iqtisad Islami (Faculty of Islamic Economics) who are in-charge of these things and they really know what they are talking about. They made me realise that our money are not entirely our rights. That there is an easy and systematic channel for us to spend our money along the path of righteous. Yakni, infaq. They made us realise that we are not kids anymore. We have our responsibilities for the society. And a portion of our money can help the ones in needs. Islam does not want its ummah to live in ignorance.

And whenever I get mad at the bathroom tap, I know that I have to remind myself that there are always people out there who experience worse than what I am going through.

Tears

Sometimes I wonder. What does it feels like if I were to go down other paths. Would taking different roads means I will be facing different challenges? Would that make me much less of who I am now? Would that make me any different?

But I am not complaining. Neither am I going to be complacent of where I stand.

As amusing as it sounds, I kinda feel sorry for myself. Sorry that I wasn't open to other options. Sorry that I am not that good. Sorry that it gets hard to blend in. Sorry I am awkward most of the times. I am afraid of what I might become. I am afraid of the future.

Its only the start but it feels like beginning from rock bottom.

I am fragile on the inside. Though it looks rigid on the exterior. I may be emotionless. Stoned. But I have soft spots. I cry myself to sleep too. I cry when I get sick. I cry when I miss my loved ones.

Well, sometimes my ego and optimism have their limits.

Musafeer

Teringat saya pada seorang pak cik yang saya jumpa tidak lama lalu di dalam penerbangan.

"Adik balik kampung sorang2 ke? Buat apa?"

"Ha'ah pak cik. Balik sebab ada temu duga."

Maka terus kami berbual tentang apa bagusnya itu, tentang buruknya ini, anak saudaranya begini, anaknya begitu. Amboi boleh tahan juga pak cik ni. Aku yang terlalu mengantuk tadi segar di palu soalan demi soalan oleh pak cik tadi. Agak menjengkelkan juga kerana aku memang berniat untuk tidur di atas penerbangan.

"Baguslah. Pak cik doakan kamu selamat semuanya. Doakan kamu berjaya ya?"

Itulah yang terakhir kesimpulan yang dapat dituntaskan daripada perbualan kami tadi. Simple saja. Pak cik itu mendoakan saya. Dia cakap saja. Tapi saya gembira. Syukur dengan nikmat Islam dan Iman.

Tup tup tup

Lip lap lip lap

Pejam celik pejam celik

Mungkin tanah yang bakal ku pijak dan langit yang bakal dijunjung kelak tidak semegah atau se"cool" United Kingdom. Mungkin tidak se-gah bumi Down Under Australia. Bahkan mungkin juga tidak menge-"wow"-kan masyarakat kita secara umumnya nak dibandingkan dengan United States of America. Namun. Memang inilah jalan yang saya pilih. Pilihan yang saya usahakan bermati-matian. Menyesalkah? Tidak sama sekali. Malukah? Sekelumit pun tiada. Berbangga? Sudah semestinya.

Terima kasih saya ucapkan kepada senior2 yg sabar menjawab soalan2 saya tempoh hari

Bukan. Bukan mendiskriminasi. Jauh sekali. Tapi saya bersyukur kerana diberi peluang untuk memijak bumi Anbiya'. Banyak harapan dan objektif yang saya tetapkan. Mampukah saya? Kita tengok saja.. enshaAllah. Tak berani nak kata. Yelah diri pun jahil hina. Jauh sekali dibandingkan dengan orang bijaksana. Apa lagi ahli agama. Duduk tak sama rendah. Berdiri tak sama tinggi. Tapi tak apa. Perjuangan saya bukan kerana untuk bandingkan. Tapi untuk ditimbang mengguna neracaNya. Diberkati rahmahNya. Yang penting jiwa saya. Pedulikanlah apa orang nak kata.

Hulurkanlah doa kalian mengiringi perjuangan saya. Tak perlu hantar di KLIA pun takpe. Doakan saje.

Mungkin akan idle dari alam maya buat masa yang lama. Wallahualam.

Diri ini amat teruja ingin menemu muka bumi Jordan terkemuka.

تصبح على خير



P/S: Di entri bawah ini ada saya nyatakan saya akan pergi ke sebuah negara di benua yang lain. Tapi saya rase Jordan di benua Asia juga. Hmmm.. Geografi fail. Maaf.

Eid

Like anything else in this world. Something has to give way for something else when its time. Like the Sun giving her way to the Moon and the Stars. Like the falling leaves of the autumn giving their way to the snowflakes of winter. Ramadhan gave his way to Syawal a week ago.

Poetic aside..

I was honestly pretty sad because I know what I did this time around weren't enough. Oh well.

Eid this year was awesome with two new additions to the ever growing family. I somehow just realised how big my family has become. We have so many relatives we ought to be in the Guiness Book of Records. Like totally. My favourite part of Eid besides good food is wearing traditional clothes all week. I have been in complete baju kurung(except during 3rd day - I wore a jubah!) this entire week until yesterday and I am very proud. I am very proud of where I come from.

Despite having loads of things to do I managed to squeeze a day-out with my friends! Oh boy was I happy. I was just trying to be random and were in the mood to go for visits. And huuuuuge thanks to my friends who joined me in this little "adventure" - Ahmad Syakir, Syafiq Hakimi, Nur Farhana and Ideen. You guys are the best! I don't really have that many friends over here. Obviously. I didn't grow up in this town. So the ones that I can go out with are the ones I'm really closed to. And I don't mind it at all. As long as I have my buddies to hang out with :)

First stop! Was Golok's house. Ok I never really talked to Golok during high school but somehow we were being spontaneous and voila! To his house we went..





I felt bad to the fact that I never got to know everyone in my batch during high school. Oh if I could turn back time.. I would be friends with everyone instead of being such a stuck-up. Or so I thought.

Moving on...

We went to Ideen's place, my place and lastly Fariz'. Sadly we didn't get to go to many houses because of some circumstances. But you know. little things like these are the ones we're gonna remember when we grow up.

I'm going to fly off to another continent in four days time. I'm going without any closest friends or buddies I can cling on to. I'm going without knowing what to expect, who to turn to and the whereabouts. I'm not going to lie and say that I am not that bit worried.

But looking back that I have good friends in my homeland that pray and constantly hoping for my success is somewhat lifting. And I love my friends to every bits.

I'll be missing you guys when I'm there.

And I hope I'll be missed and remembered as well.

P/S : Here's my favourite picture of the day.


*drumroll*





While waiting for Farhana. Its blurred. But I like it like that. :)

PPS: Klik for Inspektor Saahab's entry
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