Dance.

Here's something i've always wanted to do since i was a kid. I went to an all girls convent primary school, growing up with friends who went to ballet lessons. While i on the other hands hv always questioned why was i sent to Quran class instead. I was being ridiculous of course, pls excuse my 8-year-old self. Besides learning music, I've always wanted to............... dance.

Later in my childhood i ventured into equestrian sports and had a serious relationship with that. It was supposed to be a family thing at first but everyone else wasn't as intrigued as i was. One by one their interests weaned and i was the last man standing. Because i was so focused on equestrian, i didn't really get involved with activities at school. So that explains why up until now i don't really play the mainstream sports (i.e. netball, volleyball, handball) (hockey was an exception, but i played a reserve so that doesnt count.) Neither did i had any time left for extra-curricular activities like dancing, or being in the girls scout, go to the art class, etc. Eventually when i had a year off from equestrian due to my injury, I went back on. But i wasn't heading towards the serious line anymore. And..... i experienced extreme withdrawal syndrome. Because i figured i didn't have anything left of me, God knows it meant the world to me at that time. I even considered going to the sports school and solemnly doing this as my career.

But, that didn't happened obviously. Thanks to my busted left elbow.

That's me on the right during a National Pony Club Camp. I was 10 years young.

On the left is a recent photo of my 3 y-o nephew, Ali.

So anyway, i didn't get to dance.

And that ends there. Until few years back when i was so caught up with So You Think You Can Dance. I would imagine throwing myself in the air and my partner will catch me mid-air and swoosh me back to my feet. Lol. So i was just being silly. But i really like contemporary dance. Sometimes i would try to mimic their performances in front of my sisters; but only to find out that i looked so idiotic with those horrendous made up routines ha ha. I find that every choreography has its own beautiful translation of emotions (it was shown all over my dance routines!), that's just what i love most about dances.

And this is one of the most beautiful dancing scenes, from my favourite Yasmin Ahmad movie, Mukhsin. Orked here was dancing with her mom in the rain while the father was playing music with his friends under the patio. The scene portrayed intimacy and the tight-bonded relationship Orked had with her mom (actually played by her real life sister). That kind of fun and dynamic relationship we don't always see typical Malay(sians) parents have with their kids. I've always wondered if i can do this with my kids in the future. Hmm.

Also, I've always been a great fan of Daphne Iking, been following her blog since she was single and now she's married for the second time with two adorable daughters. Earlier today i saw her video posted on Instagram of her dancing with her kids. This kind of things i see online, just melts my heart away and i almost cried because it was so beautiful padahal it was an only 16 seconds video. Lol. Idk why but things like these hv my faith in humanity restored all over again. We need to hv more fun and get involved with the kids! Toss away those tablets now. Yeah haha. No seriously.........

Please watch the videos they're too cute :
http://instagram.com/p/jJTst1nK3y/
http://instagram.com/p/jE448ynK_H/

The 20-year-old me finally had a go in dancing, was in the massive dance team representing the Faculty of Dentistry for iFES (one of helwi's programs fret not there were no syababs watching). It was only like an aerobic style dancing with simple steps, nothing overwhelming. I was positioned last in the line of course bcos i was the tallest..... or maybe bcos i had no actual (natural) talent in dancing ha ha.

But.................. guess what

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We won first place ! :') 

That's me talking on the phone with my landlord who just had to talk to me there and then

Indifference

How life works will always be mindboggling. Do you realise how small the world is actually? Infact its getting smaller and smaller each day. Run all you want, as fast you could, wherever you might go. The truth will always find its way to people who has rights over it.

"That's the thing with pain. It demands to be felt." - The Fault in Our Stars

On my way back from exams

Lawa jugak uni aku ni lol

Comfort zones.

Some might question why am I even blogging still. It's 2014. Blogs are obsolete. Well, that's the sole reason why. Have I not deleted my MySpace account I would probably go back to that rather than spending time on Facebook (pls laugh ha ha). To be honest I have never liked places with lots of people, I would prefer a quiet serene place and a maybe a little tiny space all by myself. I never liked things if everyone is doing them. I'm usually the one going against the flow. I feel suffocated with people looking and staring. Well, I just probably happen to be in their view, it's not that I get checked out all the time. It's just one of those feelings I can never comprehend. Last time I checked those were the signs of an introvert. But I don't reckon myself so much as an introvert. I enjoy company. And I'm not that repulsive... or I actually might be a little?

Anyway.

It's the second week of 2014 and I'm in the midst of finals for this semester. I have another six daunting papers to sit for before winter break commences. Besides bouncing back to Blogger as you might have notice(or not), there's not much that I have done in these past two weeks. And that is not a great start of a new year, is it. Most of the time I'll be in front of the computer either scrolling through my social medias, watching movies and study for my exams. To top that off, I sleep like a baby nowadays because the weather is really cold and I would rather sleep than do anything at all. Even if I'm hungry I'll refrain myself from going out of the duvet to get something to eat. So there was one point in my life this semester where I weigh somewhere near 49kg. I'm not even kidding. Standing at 5'7" i looked super lanky and awkward. But who cares really. I gained weight now, I definitely look better except that now I look like zombies thanks to my absurd sleeping patterns. I have dark circles under my eyes I can now call myself Batman.

Hard to admit but I am actually one of those people who still do New Year's resolutions. As cliche as it is, I find timely targets are motivating. One of my major 2014 resolution is to be more matured with feelings, decisions, words and things like that. Basically to think more like an adult. Age doesn't measure maturity, or so I was told. Yeah tell that to a little kid, he'd be bragging around that he's matured despite his age. Tell that to a woman my age, man I'd think twice to agree with the statement.  I would rather people tell me I'm matured because I'm old. Haha. I still think like a kid, selfish at times and I get very dependent. And I am always hesitating to get out of my comfort zones. There's a huge difference between being youthful and being immature. One of the way to define maturity is when someone sacrifices his immediate worldly pleasures for the benefits of his future. Take a breather and let that sink in to you.

Well I don't know if living in Jordan made me dwindle down and fall into those categories. But I used to think that I was very independent and had a strong character. Sadly turns out I was wrong. At times living over here can be very challenging for women. We tend to get scared and timid all the time. We start to depend on others to make us feel safe and shits. I'm not saying that women over here can't stand up for herself but living in a community like this presents you more challenges that you have to overcome and Imma tell you it ain't easy.

Im actually having a paper tomorrow and I hate that subject. So I'm blogging instead (told you I talk like a kid). I can't wait for this semester to be over, i've always hated winter semesters anyway. This is me penning off. Till then I'll continue to be that kind of person who sacrifice immediate,short lived pleasures for the sake of benefits in the long run.  

Brostho

4.11am
3rd floor Imarah Al Ghaith
Mujamma As Sheikh Khalil

Pulled an all nighter. Im feeling so drunk now haha. Done watching 27GB of prosthodobtics lab procedure videos while having to endure excrutiating stomach cramps and backaches. Pls know that we go through this every month. So dont belittle our strength. K.

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Time for bed.

Prove.

Sometimes all we want is to prove ourselves. I want to study hard, to prove that I too can score in my exams. To prove that I'm not that stupid. I want to learn cooking or baking, to prove that I'm not that useless. That there are things that I can actually do besides lazing around. I want to tell the world I do good deeds, I upload stuffs online, to shout out that I too have a kind heart. People want to be in relationships, to prove to the world that they are not "forever alone". People take pride in holding important posts, to prove to people that they too are responsible. That they can carry their duties well. (I'm just being very figurative here, please don't associate me with neither of these lols.)

We want to do this, to prove that. We do that, to prove this. To prove to them and everyone. Yea you get the picture. But why really? To shove it to the faces who had doubts in you that they were wrong. To just prove that you're not as bad as they think you were. Why do we have to care so much again? If we're doing things for people who did not even believe in us in the first place, I don't see why we have to put that much effort for people like them. That's a very sick way to put it but........ i hope you get my point.

Well I sometimes question my intentions too. Do I really want to do things because I just simply wanna do it? Or is it because everyone else is doing it. So I have to do it as well?

So I guess everytime we pick up something new let's just question ourself
a) who are we doing it for?
b) do we really love what we're doing?
c) are you gonna gain something from it?
d) will it ever benefit other people?

That's why we are always taught to tajdid our niats. Or renewing our intentions. We can get off track really easy it's inevitable. Besides if everything that we do is for the sake of Allah, it will always turn into ibadah. And by His will, we'll gain rewards inshallah. Easier said than done. But it's never impossible.

Teach For The Needs.

Will come one of those days where you dwell on the past and ponder on the road not taken. One of the roads that I did not take and it still haunt me up till this moment was my decision to not pursue Language. Instead I took up medical science (read: Dental Surgery) which is also my cup of tea but yeah no one's gonna deny that it's one hell of an undergrad course. Please don't argue with me and just agree. I'm not whining though. 

Took me almost 3 years to make peace with myself (lol), to accept that I chose to be in this line. And 2014 gave me the chance I've always wanted --- to have the best of both worlds, if not more than that. I grabbed that and I am still learning. It's a long way to go. May this be my best harvest in the long run. InshaAllah.

The best part of all is when they started calling me "Miss Husna". 

*smiles*

Volunteer under this NGO 

http://teachfortheneeds.org/

For updates on TFTN Syria--Jordan Project

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