Colors and Promises

It was the coldest winter night of the year, I could hear him coughing in the toilet. Despite having to waste my precious 3 hours of sleep, I reached for the bedside lamps and turned it on. Oh good Lord my head was spinning as soon as the pupil of my eyes contracted. I put my face in my hands, massaged my temples. I could still hear his loud coughs, almost tearing up his throat. Quickly, I jumped to my feet, grabbed my hair band and tie my hair into a pony tail; the way he always loves it.

"Honey you're okay?"

Standing in front of the mirror, he had his back to me, his muscular hands were supporting his body weight on the edge of the sink. He was hiding his face on his chest. And he coughed some more. This time it tore my heart instead.

"Does it hurts?" I asked again.

He turned on the tap and let the water run. I leaned on to the bathroom door, praying that I don't collapse myself. He lifted his head up and I thought my droopy eyes were deceiving me. He could see me gasping, covering my mouth with my shaky hands, through my reflection in the mirror. He crouched towards the sink, blood trickled down his nostrils and mouth.

He turned to face me, I could see clearly the blood stains on his favourite pyjama shirt. It felt like my heart was stabbed, my stomach was twisted, my soul was ripped apart. I froze in front of him and tears were pouring down my cheeks. He put a finger to his bleeding mouth and whisper,

"Shh. I'm fine"

Walking slowly towards him, I took off my sweatshirt and held it tight in my right hand, carefully wiping his face. He said thank you through his gritted teeth. His sobbing voice begged me not to cry any more. He promised that he won't let me watch him in pain again and that he said he was sorry he woke me up. When I didn't stop crying, he clamped my hand in his and looked me in the eyes. He said he promised that everything will be fine.

That was a year ago.

I never thought I would lose you that fast. Honey, I will never stop missing you.

******

It has been a while since I last wrote something fictional. Pardon me for lacking the depth or the message to convey. That was just me letting my heart and my fingers to dance freely through this medium, spontaneity took me over. Its dark and its cold over here. Still searching for the warmth and heat to fill the emptiness.

Momken? Sigh.

Girl Power

Umum mengetahui, wanita ini sifatnya rumit. Bak kata forum moderator semalam, kalau dalam bahasa Jawa, dipanggil complicated.

Di beri pula situasi kalau perempuan ni diperlakukan tidak sebagaimana yang dia suka, (contoh: dimarah, stress, dll) waterworks pun bermula. Menangis terus menangis. Moody. Emosi. Lalu mencebik muka.

Persoalannya, rumit kah itu?

Mari saya bagi satu lagi situasi.

Dimarah, dimaki, dicaci dan di-yang lain-lain lagi lah. Hati ini rasa sakit sekali. Amboi rasa macam nak panggang2 je muka orang tu. Rasa nak cili - cili je mulut dia. Nak je cakap kat dia "Woi kau ingat muka aku ni ada ala ala khadam?". Tapi rasa je lah lebih. Takkan nya buat. Kecualilah betul - betul legend. Haha. Maka apa yang dia buat? Ya, dia menangis. Itu sahaja yang mampu.

Jelas situasinya?

Pada saya there's nothing wrong in loving who you are she said cause he made you perfect babe. Eh takdelah. Tiada salahnya pun menangis. Dan pada saya definisi "complicated" di sini salah seratus persen. Crying doesn't equals to being complicated. In fact it makes things less complicated as they already are. At least by crying your heart out, people know that you are upset. That you are in that phase. Biarlah tiada effort untuk solve the problem whatsoever. Being able to express your emotions does not equals to being complicated at all.

Bayangkan pula hatinya sedih, remuk, hancur, berkeping - keping jadinya. Tapi muka stone. Bila orang tanya "ish lounik ya habibti", dia jawab "kulli ishi' tamam, al7amdulilah". Tapi padahal dalam hati pedih sekali. Jiwa dia terguris, terluka dek orang yang tak pandai jaga hati dan perasaannya. Tapi tak pandai atau tak mahu menzahirkannya di raut wajah. Senyuman manis satu per satu di lemparkan. Tapi tahukah anda di sebalik senyuman manis itu ada kepahitan. Kepahitan yang lebih dahsyat dari kepahitan orang yang menangis. Yang reti menzahirkan perasaannya.

Maka, tidakkah itu lebih complicated?

Janganlah kata wanita yang menangis itu rumit. Kerana itu lebih mudah daripada sifat cover macho. Takkan pernah tahu apa yang terbuku dihati mereka. Muka nampak legend, dalam hati bercelaru.

Ya, itu lebih susah, percayalah. Saya tahu kerana saya begitu. Saya mungkin tidak pandai menzahirkan emosi sehebat muslimat yang sejati di luar sana. Mungkin air mata tak bisa gugur dengan hanya menonton cerita Hindustan. Mungkin tidak pandai tonjolkan sifat kasih sayang. Tapi percayalah, spesis macam ni, muka je nampak legend. Dalam hati bukan setakat taman, sungai dan tasik, taman bunga bagai pun ada. Yelah nama pun perempuan, sekeras mana pun dia, hati dia sentiasa lembut dan mudah tersentuh.

Tapi saya teringat ada seorang ustaz sewaktu saya belajar di INTEC dulu, katanya wanita ini kekuatan wanita terletak pada keupayaan dia men'control' emosi. Biarlah air mata mu itu mahal. Bila gugur setitik, alangkah boleh ia menyentuh perasaan.

Kesimpulannya, wanita ini memang kuat bila emosi nya pandai di balance kan. Bak kata Kak Nafeesa, kuatnya kaum Hawa ni, tak semestinya boleh angkat almari, boleh angkat berat, tapi kekuatan kita terletak pada sepandai mana kita meletakkan emosi di tempat yang sepatutnya. Pakai skirt, suka kaler pink, suka masak, pun boleh jadi kuat.

Dan dia pun ada share satu hadith ni yang amatlah best untuk dikongsi. Mafhumnya lebih kurang begini,(kalau salah betulkan ye), jadi pada suatu hari Saidina Umar Al-Khattab tengah berbincang dan bercakap mengenai isu mahar. Tiba-tiba seorang wanita bangun dan lantang membantah apa yang Umar cakap tadi. Lantas, Umar menyuruh wanita itu diam. Perempuan itu menyatakan dia ada sebab-sebab dan dalil kenapa dia berkata demikian. Maka Umar pun membenarkan dia berhujah. Setelah didengarinya Umar sedar apa yang dikatakan perempuan tadi itu ada sahihnya. Lalu Umar pun mengaku kesalahannya dan membenarkan kata-kata wanita itu.

Hebat bukan? The confidence in that woman enabled her to set the message across. And she was sure she was right because she had proves. Bayangkan kalau wanita itu tak pandai kawal emosi, masa Umar suruh dia diam tu jugak dia menangis, memang tak dapat lah nak sampaikan apa yang dia cuba katakan.

Apa-apa pun, yang penting kita ni pandai control emotions. Ada masa kita boleh let go, ada masa kita restrain ourselves from revealing too much emotions.

Ingat, kaum Hawa ni kuat kalau dia boleh control diri dia. Aspek nafsu, amarah, dll juga included :)

Moga-moga kita semua dibekalkan dengan kekuatan dalam diri masing-masing. Akhawat kan hebat, masyaAllah :)

Wallahu a3lam.

Who For You?

If I could paint a sad goodbye;
I’d paint your eyes a clear blue sky.
Pluck your grace from a pale faced moon
And slumber down this tattered room.

If I could find an amber train;
Lord I’d ride it to the bitter end.
Passing hope in the summer bloom;
Passing dreams and a fading tune.

If I should stray amid crimson rose…
Whither angels on wings of gold?
Who for flowers in the month of May?
Who for you on your winter’s day?
Who for flowers in the months of May?
Who for you?
- Pete Teo


I'm letting go

Eulogy

When Mama chose you from a bunch of kittens, she said she chose it because you were the most appealing. Because your tail was long. The others had short tails. Because we were so into animals at that time, we knew short tail is considered a defect in the cats world. Mama told me they found you in the basket of onions, sleeping. At that time you were only 3 months old. You were still breastfeeding, that was what Mama told me. Then you were brought to our house in Shah Alam and it was the first time we met, remember? I was the 9 year old kid, with messy hair and ugly pants. Mumu was only 6 at that time. I was super excited, I can't lie. God knows how much I love animals those days. We had one cat already that time. But we refused to settle with only one. So it was you who we picked to adopt.

Then, everyone was so excited to name you. I picked Dino. Random, I know. But apparently Abah was against the idea because the uncle living next to us had Dino as his nickname. So I wanted it to be Zelda, but they say it was too feminine. Aishah, being so creative, wanted to name you Shino. For some reasons. Eventually, Narn who was not even fond of you in the first place gave us the name Didie. So Didie it was.

Remember that night when you were crying (okay fine, meowing) because you had to sleep in the cage? And it was already late at night. Mama and Abah were out going to a dinner function. So that left me and Mumu to take care of you. I swear I felt so sorry and worried because I know you might be missing your mom. We tried giving you milk and cat food but you won't eat. God knows how much I worry for you on that night. So me and Mumu went downstairs because we couldn't help to hear you cry, we brought you up to our room and we slept together. Remember how we patted you until you sleep? And that was the first time I saw your habit, you love playing your front paws with an odd way when you wanna sleep. That habit, you kept it with you until the end of your life :')

And you had the front seat ride back to our house in Kuantan with Uncle Mohan, remember that? Uncle Mohan told us you were asleep all the way. That lessen my worry, do you know that? I thought you would have motion sickness, silly me. In Kuantan, you loved our old house. You had so many cool friends in the neighbourhood. You remember Garfield, our neighbour's cat? He was your best friend. When you were still a kitten, I made sure I checked your litter box and food and drinks before I go to school. And when you started to come back late at night, with grasses stuck to your thick fur, we all knew that you were mature enough to start mating. It took us long enough to realise that you already had offsprings with our neighbours cats. But because you were too wild, the doctor advised us to castrate you and so we did. After that you became so much tamer and homeward bound. And it was safer for your health too :)

As time goes by, we grew so much closer. When I watch the telly, you would take a nap on my tummy. When Mama and me went out gardening, you followed too. We bought so many toys for you to play with. We even bought collar with bells for you to wear. You wore the blue collar with bells until you grew out of it. I bought a new silver one for you after that but I never made you wear it because I like you better without the collar.

But as I grow older, my interest in animals waned. When I stopped riding horses, I stopped having the passion for animals anymore. I didn't want to be a vet anymore. And I admit that I wasn't that much interested in you as much as I did when I was small. True, we fed you, we cleaned you, but I didn't play that much with you. And whenever you sneak into my room, I would chase you away. Whenever you scratch the furniture, I would scold you. Whenever you came back from God knows where, you had dirt all over you, I yelled because I was very lazy to clean the fur. I'm sorry I did that to you. I'm sorry I never really get to apologise.

Lately, I swear I had you in my dreams. And when I was told, you passed, I was shocked but I couldn't cry.

But I cry now, Didie. 9 years with us was a long time. You were there when I get upset, when I was hospitalized, when we moved into another state, when we had arguments, when the family grew bigger, you were always there. 9 years with you in our family meant a lot. 9 years was way longer than the relationship I was in. You were my best friend, and will always be. You were my ultimate boy friend I didn't break up with.

I will always miss you. And I am sorry I didn't get to see you for the last time. Sorry I am far away from home. Sorry that I wasn't there when you were sick. That I didn't get to say goodbye.

Rest In Peace, Didie. You were just a feline but I love you very much.


2002-2011

Masrur

When I was in INTEC I sent my name without any partner as my room mate. Why? a) because I don't bother finding myself a partner since everyone in my class had one already and b)because living alone allows me to focus on myself and c) I'm just a lone ranger like that; of which I don't really care at all. But when I first arrived, I knew after all that the Persatuan won't let a freshie live alone by herself for safety reasons, which I completely understands. So I got paired up with an awesome roomie, who happened to be an Islamic Economics student of a different university. We got paired up very randomly but hell yeah, we rock babeyh. Which is a good thing after all.

Adapting. That's the key to the whole situation.

For me I say, one of the ways to adapting is to get involved. Get yourself involved in the community. When I was in high school, I didn't like all those things. I only participate the things that I am good (or so they assumed) in. Of which always revolves around me, myself and only I. Yes, my comfort zone. And when I left school I realize what a waste I just missed out on. To get involved and be active in school was a bonus and I envy all those people who has these extra values. So I was determined to be active once I got here.

When everyone else was busy packing their backpacks, styling their sunnies, taking photos in front of the monastery and patting sunblock on their faces; friends and I was in town searching for old newspapers, knives and chopping boards to be used for Qorban activity purposes. Definitely I was jealous of them who get to tour around the country and get to post new Facebook statuses or check-ins into different places every five minutes, but I did not regret having to stay in town because I know for now that it was all worth while.

We worked like crazy for three days, back to back. imagine 6 cows and 21 lambs (or goats? or maybe kibas?) within three days. No doubt it was tiring and physically demanding - wait yes! You read it right - PHYSICALLY DEMANDING. But it was a sweet and lovely experience. It has been a long time since I worked in a team and I have forgotten how satisfying it feels like when all the job was done and people actually APPRECIATE you for working hard. But most importantly, all those days we worked on, it was all for the benefits of the Malaysian community. Each of the grams of the Qorban meat has our shares of pahala in it. Ensha2allah..

I don't write this for you to be impressed, but I was proud of myself and to hell with you.

And I was glad I stayed in town during the holidays because I get to spend a little of my time with a good friend back when I was still young and innocent. Trust me I was so damn happy to see you, I couldn't believe you were here, babe. Who in a million years would have thought you would carve a central incisor on my bed? Who would have thought we could talk all night long about our own experiences on the foreign land? And I never thought that we could celebrate our Eid together! It was good to see an old friend. I hope you liked Jordan. See you in Cairo next time okay? I miss you already :')

p/s : "Surgeons can't afford to be lazy" - Grey's Anatomy

Care Bear

It has been a while hasn't it?

I've always wanted to pour my heart's content into my writings. But probably it is not easy as it sounds. For me to be transparent to a person is hard enough, let alone telling my deepest darkest secrets for people to read. But yesterday I found my way back to writing manually (as in with pen,ink and papers) after leaving that method for several years. And I have to admit I missed the feeling of relief after being totally honest in my writings. And I can't believe how I have forgotten the feeling of it. The feeling was as though meeting an old friend whom you have been searching for a long time. Relieved. Just relieved. And glad. Probably all this while, I have been keeping stuffs bottled up inside and it has not do me any good.

You know just because you are not that type of person who tells your anxieties, fears and problems to people, doesn't mean you have to keep it to yourself. Perhaps you can find a way to channel your feelings too.

ANYWAY

Exam was over.

Since I was a child, I wasn't trained to care about my grades. I mean, as long as I don't fail anything and do good in school, I'm happy and that's just it. I never really cared not being in the top of the class. And honestly speaking I never really worked THAT hard towards what I've achieved thus far (not that many to brag about though). Doesn't mean that I don't have the effort at all. But just not that much, I suppose. The A's I obtained didn't REALLY (read: really) matter to me. As long as I am good enough.

So when I clicked the "proceed" button after answering Biology a week ago, I was quite disappointed in myself because I didn't achieve that target I set. But anyways I went home and thought it was fine. Which it really was. But I just can't get my mind out of the fact that I didn't do good enough this time. During the first lecture after the exam, the professor congratulated everyone who did well in the exam and gave motivations yadda yadda to the ones who didn't do quite well. Then, he called upon everyone who passed his so-called "bench mark" for the first exam. At most 20 names among the 200 people in my section. One by one they were called.

Would my name be called too? So that I can shove my paper to my Arab friends in the face. With my marks? Dream on..

Then a Malaysian friend sitting beside me stood up. Her name was called. And the doctor showered them with praises. Just like in school. Of which I think is super cute considering the fact that we were in a huge lecture hall instead of a school classroom.

I hate asking people for their marks because I just don't see the point, but I do that sometimes out of curiosity. So this time, simply out of curiosity, I asked her how much did she get.

It was only a mark difference.

But it made all the difference in the world. And this time, I cared. I really really care. And I have no idea where did this come from.

Bukan berniat untuk berlagak. Tapi semata - mata peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Kadangkala nak lebih kena usaha lebih. Setakat cukup - cukup makan ingat orang pandang? Walaupun perbezaan nya tipis tapi ia tetap BERBEZA. Mungkin boleh kata bukan rezeki saya, tapi kata saja tak boleh buat apa-apa beb.

Yang bulat takkan datang bergolek, yang pipih takkan datang melayang.

Muhasabah diri sendiri *air mata berderai*

Biology

Pernah tak terasa nak buat something tapi takut ianya tak cool di pandang orang? Pernah nak cakap something tapi takut orang tak impress dengan apa yang bakal keluar dari mulut? Pernah tak rasa nak lawan orang, rasa nak bangun dan bagi penampar sebutir *okay not literally* , tapi macam rasa bila buat macam tu nanti orang kate "pehal minah ni?"

Pernah tak nak tulis apa yang terasa nak tulis, tapi bila nak tekan kekunci komputer terasa

"Err nanti dia baca apa pulak dia cakap",
"Alahai nanti nampak sangat aku ni tak cool"/
Mahupun,
"Alamak apa pulak pandangan pembaca nanti?"

Aku rasa diri ini semakin fake dan makin tidak honest menulis di ruang maya. Kenape ya? Nak kata traffic banyak, tak banyak langsung. Dan memang aku sengaja taknak bagi banyak pun. Dulu-dulu rasa ramai followers tu bapak la hebat. Tapi aku tak kesah pun. Sebab tu aku tak pernah nak promote. Erm tipu. Pernah la jugak menepek link blog dekat laman web Facebook terkemuka tapi aku dah remove. Terasa vain la pulak mempromote penulisan sendiri yang memang tak matang langsung dan entah apa apa. Tapi memang pun, aku pun tak tulis untuk orang baca.

Eh tapi persoalan kat sini kenapa ek makin tak tulus di ruangan maya sendiri?

Bila aku tau orang baca aku jadi segan. Segan gila nak tulis nanti itu baca. Nanti ini baca. Si fulan bin si fulan baca. Mana aku nak letak muka?

I used to use this blog as a medium for me to channel my thoughts, opinions and views. I used to use this blog as a journal cum diary, for myself to read through when I forget how much they mean to me in the future. I used to use this blog as my escape hole. When the days aren't treating me nice and the world just seemed so unfair at that moment, I loved to leak those feelings through my fingers.

I hope the feelings of excitement to write stays in me. Because if I'm not good in writing anymore, I won't be good at anything. Menulis itu best.

Dalam cubaan untuk menjadi jujur, maka disini saya coretkan bahawasanya saya amat merindui Mama, Abah, Abang2, Kakak2, Baby Mumu, Ali dan Mikaeel terutamanya, terus Didie dan Shin Chan, rakan-rakan baik saya, Pak Cik Aidi, Nasi Kak Wok, Ike Singge Cicoh Budu, Kereta Kembara CBD 6727, Guitar Yamaha C40 dan ..... Ah. Jadi jujur sangat pun tak boleh. BYE.

Masochist

While I was waiting for the bus after class, I can already feel the chill in the evening breeze. Does that means winter is coming? Oh God don't come just yet I'm not ready for it. And as I'm typing on my laptop, sitting beside the window, the icy midnight air gives those tickles, saying hello to my thin Asian skin. God knows how I hate cold. But when the sun sets early, and the dawn is lovelier than ever, the mornings are longer. I know that winter has its own beauty.

Just like anything else in the world.

I was trying to find the beauty in you. I excluded everything and see the good side of you. I had cut you slacks. I dreamt and fantasized about the unseen; what the future might hold. Plans that are way too imaginative. I questioned what I did. But I answered that in my mind straight away nowadays. I know you do that too.

I literally fell on my butt today, on the stairs, on the way to see the professor, in front of Chemistry class, and it hurts so much. I know it might seem unrelated, but the pain made me thought. The throb reminds me so much. Reminds me that I need a place for me to weep to. I hope the remembrance won't fade away. Even if we're not together here today. I hope things will always keep on reminding me of you.

Maybe, maybe not. Masochistic? Definitely.

Maybe, just maybe. Now you, tell me why.

Whatever

When sometimes I stutter when I speak, I blanked when I write and I paused when I read, I get so afraid that I might lose it. What if it means that I no longer have the flare. I am not like what I used to think of myself. What if that doesn't make me any better of who I am. I get so amazed and inspired by people all the time. But I know that's not enough to make me any better. It seems that all this while, they gradually disappear. Or maybe it wasn't even there in the first place. Maybe I have to dig further. Convince me all you like but I think I have lost the honesty. Maybe, just maybe. The feelings are bottled and I hate to open up. Well I must say sorry for that means I'm a complete coward. But really? Is courage all you need? I must say no. I had too much of that before. That's why unlike you, I prefer to stay cocooned to myself and not reveal too much. I have had enough and probably its time to let go. Why you ask? Go figure. And let's move on..

With or Without you

Its 5.18 in the morning and the muezzin just made his call for Fajr prayer. I love love love waking up early and getting to listen to the azan - though that is not the case most of the times.

Mornings are nice. I love waking up to cold chilly mornings. They have this unique feeling of serenity and peace in the air. It's as if the world is asleep but you're awake. Cliché much? You have to admit it's true.

On a different note, I have been planning a lot. Made plans as to how I would spend my time over here. Not that I have that much time. But anyway, plans are mere plans if we don't take action or work it out. I have this dream of wanting to learn many everything and grab as many opportunities that knock on my door. Sometimes to actually START on working out the plans is harder than to actually doing it, if you know what I mean.

I have been dealing with an Arab lady to get me and my friends inside a class taught by her. But she seems uninterested and never really returned any of my calls. I was quite (or very?) disappointed to be frank. So I was praying to God to make it easy for me and friends to start on what we are planning. And He answered, by giving us a new, better option.

Isn't patience a nice thing to have ladies and gentlemen? So what do we say now?

Alhamdulilah :)

Sleepy

A month in Irbid

And I shall stop counting.

Classes have started and despite the distance, I find it tolerable. I accept that I didn't get to live with my friends from prep college. I accept the fact that I was yet again isolated. It always has to be me, is it? But fret not, I wouldn't be put into those situations if I didn't have the strength. Yes I admit. The first feeling that came across my mind was ohcrapiamsogonnabealonerfortherestofmylife. And I admit that I did cry, fell sick and felt lonely. But Allah wouldn't let me go through what I can not go through. I found new friends. To that I thank Allah so much. Friends that will not let me go through this journey alone. Crossing my fingers, figuratively of course.

Initially I was scared of being the only one. Even though I was used to standing on my own feet. I feared the unknown of the alien world. And I was mad that I was always the ugly duckling. The black sheep. Or whatever you wanna call it. I won't lie and say I have now full blown confidence and bravery, but it did build up in my body, bit by bit as they say.

People say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

I tried to blend in and do what the "Romans" do. I did. And hopefully my effort shows. I want to be the one who people respects and honour. That people listen to and seek advices from.

Sounds impossible though. I think I have been too analytical towards myself that sometimes when it comes to the real thing, I get inappropriate signals from the neurons in the brain and I starts to freak out every now and then. Maybe too self conscious. Maybe.

Oh well.

I would never repeat the same mistake again. The mistake I did when I was younger. I will never miss golden opportunities. I wanna stand in the crowd. Or at least stands in the eyes of my loved ones and God knows, future ones.

But most importantly, I want to stand out in the eyes of the Creator.

Celebrate & Appreciate

Day 17 in Irbid

I now appreciate Malaysian food and weather and the utmost important thing, the endless supply of water. I now understand how we have been taking petty things for granted all this while. Lets take water for example. Because this country has no sea or river or whatever possible reservoir of water, so water supply is very limited. It is nothing unusual for us to have lack of le H two O. Well, for me despite anything else, this has been the biggest challenge of all time. I have to get use to not having my regular twice a day baths. I have to understand that its hard to wash my clothes. And its hard to do ablution. Its not easy to flush when you pee or poo. But I am not complaining. I thank Allah for the beauty of life. See how nice Allah made this land? I am grateful for the dry weather and the heat. I don't sweat that much compared to living in the tropical weather I was used to in Malaysia. So, its okay not to have that much water to bathe.

Whatever it takes, I have to learn how to survive and make both ends meet.

Basic necessities. Ad-Daruriyat. Whether you like it or not, you need those things to live. You don't and you die.

Not everyone over here are lucky enough to get sponsorship or fundings. Some came using their own savings just for the sake of knowledge and I truly admire them. So when we attended a talk on Zakat and Sadaqah today, I felt blessed that I am a scholar. That I don't have to worry for the tuition fees. All I have to do is use my allowances wisely. They have a unit over here, managed by the seniors from Qisim Iqtisad Islami (Faculty of Islamic Economics) who are in-charge of these things and they really know what they are talking about. They made me realise that our money are not entirely our rights. That there is an easy and systematic channel for us to spend our money along the path of righteous. Yakni, infaq. They made us realise that we are not kids anymore. We have our responsibilities for the society. And a portion of our money can help the ones in needs. Islam does not want its ummah to live in ignorance.

And whenever I get mad at the bathroom tap, I know that I have to remind myself that there are always people out there who experience worse than what I am going through.

Tears

Sometimes I wonder. What does it feels like if I were to go down other paths. Would taking different roads means I will be facing different challenges? Would that make me much less of who I am now? Would that make me any different?

But I am not complaining. Neither am I going to be complacent of where I stand.

As amusing as it sounds, I kinda feel sorry for myself. Sorry that I wasn't open to other options. Sorry that I am not that good. Sorry that it gets hard to blend in. Sorry I am awkward most of the times. I am afraid of what I might become. I am afraid of the future.

Its only the start but it feels like beginning from rock bottom.

I am fragile on the inside. Though it looks rigid on the exterior. I may be emotionless. Stoned. But I have soft spots. I cry myself to sleep too. I cry when I get sick. I cry when I miss my loved ones.

Well, sometimes my ego and optimism have their limits.

Musafeer

Teringat saya pada seorang pak cik yang saya jumpa tidak lama lalu di dalam penerbangan.

"Adik balik kampung sorang2 ke? Buat apa?"

"Ha'ah pak cik. Balik sebab ada temu duga."

Maka terus kami berbual tentang apa bagusnya itu, tentang buruknya ini, anak saudaranya begini, anaknya begitu. Amboi boleh tahan juga pak cik ni. Aku yang terlalu mengantuk tadi segar di palu soalan demi soalan oleh pak cik tadi. Agak menjengkelkan juga kerana aku memang berniat untuk tidur di atas penerbangan.

"Baguslah. Pak cik doakan kamu selamat semuanya. Doakan kamu berjaya ya?"

Itulah yang terakhir kesimpulan yang dapat dituntaskan daripada perbualan kami tadi. Simple saja. Pak cik itu mendoakan saya. Dia cakap saja. Tapi saya gembira. Syukur dengan nikmat Islam dan Iman.

Tup tup tup

Lip lap lip lap

Pejam celik pejam celik

Mungkin tanah yang bakal ku pijak dan langit yang bakal dijunjung kelak tidak semegah atau se"cool" United Kingdom. Mungkin tidak se-gah bumi Down Under Australia. Bahkan mungkin juga tidak menge-"wow"-kan masyarakat kita secara umumnya nak dibandingkan dengan United States of America. Namun. Memang inilah jalan yang saya pilih. Pilihan yang saya usahakan bermati-matian. Menyesalkah? Tidak sama sekali. Malukah? Sekelumit pun tiada. Berbangga? Sudah semestinya.

Terima kasih saya ucapkan kepada senior2 yg sabar menjawab soalan2 saya tempoh hari

Bukan. Bukan mendiskriminasi. Jauh sekali. Tapi saya bersyukur kerana diberi peluang untuk memijak bumi Anbiya'. Banyak harapan dan objektif yang saya tetapkan. Mampukah saya? Kita tengok saja.. enshaAllah. Tak berani nak kata. Yelah diri pun jahil hina. Jauh sekali dibandingkan dengan orang bijaksana. Apa lagi ahli agama. Duduk tak sama rendah. Berdiri tak sama tinggi. Tapi tak apa. Perjuangan saya bukan kerana untuk bandingkan. Tapi untuk ditimbang mengguna neracaNya. Diberkati rahmahNya. Yang penting jiwa saya. Pedulikanlah apa orang nak kata.

Hulurkanlah doa kalian mengiringi perjuangan saya. Tak perlu hantar di KLIA pun takpe. Doakan saje.

Mungkin akan idle dari alam maya buat masa yang lama. Wallahualam.

Diri ini amat teruja ingin menemu muka bumi Jordan terkemuka.

تصبح على خير



P/S: Di entri bawah ini ada saya nyatakan saya akan pergi ke sebuah negara di benua yang lain. Tapi saya rase Jordan di benua Asia juga. Hmmm.. Geografi fail. Maaf.

Eid

Like anything else in this world. Something has to give way for something else when its time. Like the Sun giving her way to the Moon and the Stars. Like the falling leaves of the autumn giving their way to the snowflakes of winter. Ramadhan gave his way to Syawal a week ago.

Poetic aside..

I was honestly pretty sad because I know what I did this time around weren't enough. Oh well.

Eid this year was awesome with two new additions to the ever growing family. I somehow just realised how big my family has become. We have so many relatives we ought to be in the Guiness Book of Records. Like totally. My favourite part of Eid besides good food is wearing traditional clothes all week. I have been in complete baju kurung(except during 3rd day - I wore a jubah!) this entire week until yesterday and I am very proud. I am very proud of where I come from.

Despite having loads of things to do I managed to squeeze a day-out with my friends! Oh boy was I happy. I was just trying to be random and were in the mood to go for visits. And huuuuuge thanks to my friends who joined me in this little "adventure" - Ahmad Syakir, Syafiq Hakimi, Nur Farhana and Ideen. You guys are the best! I don't really have that many friends over here. Obviously. I didn't grow up in this town. So the ones that I can go out with are the ones I'm really closed to. And I don't mind it at all. As long as I have my buddies to hang out with :)

First stop! Was Golok's house. Ok I never really talked to Golok during high school but somehow we were being spontaneous and voila! To his house we went..





I felt bad to the fact that I never got to know everyone in my batch during high school. Oh if I could turn back time.. I would be friends with everyone instead of being such a stuck-up. Or so I thought.

Moving on...

We went to Ideen's place, my place and lastly Fariz'. Sadly we didn't get to go to many houses because of some circumstances. But you know. little things like these are the ones we're gonna remember when we grow up.

I'm going to fly off to another continent in four days time. I'm going without any closest friends or buddies I can cling on to. I'm going without knowing what to expect, who to turn to and the whereabouts. I'm not going to lie and say that I am not that bit worried.

But looking back that I have good friends in my homeland that pray and constantly hoping for my success is somewhat lifting. And I love my friends to every bits.

I'll be missing you guys when I'm there.

And I hope I'll be missed and remembered as well.

P/S : Here's my favourite picture of the day.


*drumroll*





While waiting for Farhana. Its blurred. But I like it like that. :)

PPS: Klik for Inspektor Saahab's entry
I promote blog u ni. Sila ucap terima kasih. KTHANKSBYE.

So true.

Stumbled upon this while I'm currently trying to finish my reading list. Time's too precious to be wasted :)

Things I Learnt

The very short course is finally over and done with. Unexpected, I was feeling kind of reluctant to live the college despite its not so luxurious condition. Oh well. Its what we call "wear and tear". I'm pretty sure that the college has been around way before I was even born.

ANYWAY

Being over there taught me lots of valuable lessons. And I treasure every lessons to its tiny bits and pieces. I met friends who are very intelligent and professional; making it very easy to work with them. No one would object over petty stuffs and everyone was responsible of our own duties. Well, almost. And to me it also felt like I had the power to make decisions which are entirely up to me. I was feeling very grateful that I had the chance to do so though I did remind myself not to make stupid ones once in a while.

Y'know. Lets be random and see some stuffs I did (and learnt) over the past few months.


1. On using public transports

I used to be skeptical towards Malaysian's public transportations. But oh well I must say that although it is unreliable at times, it really helped a lot during days of which I felt like going out. I learnt how to use the KTM, RapidKL, CityLiner and even Seranas Bas! I know for now that it is very practical to go around KL using these means of transportations. Only you have to bear with the large crowds during peak hours. In addition to that, the lousy air conds and not to mention the hustle you have to endure to guarantee a place inside the coach. Survival skill is a must if you want to live in big cities. And being tall is a great great advantage when you have to succumb to the smelly armpits of office workers on evenings. Other than that, the knowledge of public transports is a priceless skill that would come in handy one day.


2. On financial management

We were supposed to get our allowances from our sponsor once a month. Alas the allowances are banked in a liiiiiitle bit late. Well that's quite a lie. Truth be told I still haven't got mine yet. Not that I'm complaining.. To every cloud there's always a silver lining as they say. Well to see it in the eye of an optimist, I can get duit raya in lansum! Woohoo. Anyhow, I spent my money mainly on food and daily utilities or whatever you call them. I admit that I'm a little bit on the "spendy" side when it comes to food. The skinny girl needs good food okay. And I can't believe how much I spent on myself. Money runs like water over there. The food is quite expensive but oh well.. I have to eat. Otherwise I might die.

I like having the power over my own money, or to be accurate the money my Dad gave me. And when I was saving money for a week, just to see how far I can save, it gives me this wonderful feeling that I was able to control myself. And thus I rewarded myself with the money I saved. YEAY :)

3. On making friends

Initially it was tough to adapt. Especially when you don't have your "alma mater" group for you to cling on for a while. Well I was keeping an open mind and the most tak malu face on while chit chatting with new people around me. But I was told that I had a very stuck up look during the first week of orientation. My God T.T Putting that aside.. I have very nice classmates! I am very happy to be in MEJ1. Even though it was only for 3 months and some of us are doing MBBS while people like me will be doing BDS, we are very close. And I'm thankful that I have very smart and fun people as classmates. Eh not to mention very Islamic as well :)

I am very grateful to have nice housemates as well. At first I thought it was gonna be boring. But boy was I wrong. My housemates rock! I will always remember the prayers we performed together, the food, the laughters and stories we shared. And I thank you all for making me a part of that.

4. On repairing the door

I can't believe I'm writing this down but whatever. So we have issues with the house door. It sometimes got stuck and could not be opened. The only way to open it was by using a screwdriver. Usually my housemates will take care of it. The officer on duty will often help us with this. But on one fine day, I was alone because le housemates were off undergoing BTN. The door was stuck and I did not what to do. So I called upon the security guard but to no avail. He asked me to call a few numbers but I reckon it would be too late already because it was terawih time. So what I did was, I went to Mydin and bought myself a screwdriver.



But the problem does not end there because I have no idea how to fix it. And then comes Nad, my bestie, to help me out :P

5. On helping friends out when they are in need

Well I wasn't really helping but when a friend is sick, I felt the urge to go and drop by to see how he's doing. It was quite an adventurous journey for both me and Nad to go to a different part of Selangor to visit the hospital. The cab ride early in the morning was okay and fairly easy. But little did we know when we decided to return to our college by bus, it would be a 2 hour journey. First bus led us to the Klang central and we were walking in front of Indian stalls asking for directions and which bus should we hop on. It felt like we were not in Malaysia. Haha.



But fret not we were able to find our way. The bus to Shah Alam stops so frequently and I feel like slapping the pakcik. I think our college in S18 was the last stop. But all the adventures was worth it because we had pure intentions to visit my dear friend in the ward :P

6. On saying goodbye

The last day my stay over there, I spent it with my best friend, Nad BS or better known as Si Medonna who has 2 more years to complete her A levels. Well, it was sad that we could only hang out for approx. a month. But I had to go nevertheless. Eceh. I thank you for all the hang-outs, solat terawih and buka puasa with you Nad! We'll meet again, inshaAllah :)


So I guess that's it from me for the time being. I have about 15 days left before I go. I hope you care that I'm going. You, yes you. :)

Phew

My last post was dated June 28. And today is August 8! My God. I have indeed abandoned my writings. Well despite being really busy these few weeks because of assignments, I have been out and about doing my ermm.. stuffs. Anyway people, I have approximately only a week left of my time in INTEC. Alhamdulilah I have completed my 3 months short course and there's only le final exam to worry about.

Well, I've known all along that I am a lil bit late on the adventurous side. It takes a long time for me to adapt and feel comfortable in new places and especially with new people. And just when I began exploring the foreign terrain of Shah Alam, its time to pack my bags. Like always ending something we start is not easy. Even if it means for only a very short period of time.

Anyhow, I have more or less a month before I got shiped off to the Hashimite Kingdom of Jordan. I am pretty excited but somehow anxious at the same time. I guess that's pretty normal. Going to a foreign country of which you have no idea what will it be like. Oh well.

On the other side, I actually have loads of drafts saved in Blogger. Nowadays I tend to write short random stuffs and figured it may not be decent enough to post. I'm trying to speed up my momentum and starts writing again. Why? Because I have the fear of losing my flare of language, making it impossible to improve. That is one of the things that I am most afraid of. So people. Writing is great to stimulate your brain and retain your language skills from so-called "rusting" or berkarat as they say it in Malay.

This post is going in too many different directions. But what the hell. Truth is I have so many stuffs to write on but thanks to a packed schedule, laptop deficient, etc, that is almost impossible.

Last but never the least.

I hope its not too late for me to wish a very happy fasting month to all Muslims out there. Ramadhan Kareem! May this Ramadhan opens the door of improvements in ourselves,inshaAllah.

Footnote : This was written at the balcony of a friend's house using her laptop. Why balcony? To steal the nearby mamak's Internet access. How genius is that LOL :P

Bee Hive

In a swarm of bees there lie a lone entity. The air was filled with jubilant and the buzzing of the bees banging on his eardrums. He was estranged, locked in his own world. Flapped his little wings in desperation.

"O bees in the hive! Look I can flap my wings. Look I brought honey on my my feet."

His voice muted. Drained by the complexity of the traffic. He kept on flapping his wings.

"Dont even try. Unless that that you carry on your foot is the Nectar of Paradise."

He jumped upon the voice of a commoner. Somewhat true.

----

An attempt at being metaphoric.

I never knew uni library can be so cold. Finding myself a comfy little corner in this huge building as a nest on my own. Must find somewhere warmer so that my ideas can be hatched at an optimum temperature.

Some dudes are playing chess beside me and they're looking at me typing on my phone. Im annoyed.

Im seriously writing for the sake of myself. So Im not apologising if this.entry is crappy.

Ignorance

I believe that ignorance is bliss. Well, most of the times.

I don't like to know things that I shouldn't know. Let me give you a premise. If you don't know that the room you have been living in all this while is haunted, then you have nothing to fear about. Acceptable? No? But what if you do know? You'll be worried sick thinking of plausible ghoul images in your mind when you're trying to sleep. Make sense? No no. Im not trying to say that I have trolls or draculas or whatsoever under my bed right now. Nauzubillah.

We had a session last weekend. Sort of a soft skills slash letting lose of ourselves. It was nice really. I used to love social sessions so much and I still do. However when we had to point out our weaknesses and strengths in ourselves, my thoughts went deep. Ok fine not that deep.

Do I really need to know what my weaknesses are?

Please take note that I'm writing with a first POV.

They meant well I know. Its not them. Its just me. Well for me I hate pointing out my weaknesses. It made me feel demotivated instead of "yeaah I need to change this instant or else I might be a total loser." And listening to other people's strengths made it worse. I could feel that slight inferiority when I realised that I have more weaknesses than them. Masya Allah. I felt so weak and naive.

I know people would say that each of us has our own advantages and strengths. That's true. Totally. But sometimes our strengths are not significant compared to others. Thats the reality and we have to face that whether we like it or not. Don't we?

But its actually good to know yourselves. Again I said that was just me. Everything starts with an intention. When you know you're weak at something, improve, do something. Well I wish someday I can change what I need to change about myself, attitude, lifestyle, etc.

In the mean while. Imma just be ignorant and try not to point out my weakness if I have any in the near future.

Syukran
Salam alaikum.

Beginning

I don't know why I'm posting this in the dead of night. But whatever.

Those are the only photos I have during my stay at the college so far. It has been two weeks since I first registered. I was ecstatic to start on a new journey and everything is going well. I'm happy with what I've been blessed with thus far, although I'm keeping a safeguard on not getting too complacent with what I have.

It was like boarding school all over again. I went without knowing anyone at all except some from my group mates during the interview. I get to know the place, I get to learn new things and best of all the people around me without clinging to anyone. It was a fresh start. The one which I love the most. Not that I wanted to be hypocritical or anything. But it was nice having a clean profile. Meaning I still don't have any reputations to maintain, or social taboos to restrain myself from. I was myself and still am.

Over there, being a Middle East Programme student (or MEP for short) has it pros and cons. I knew form the beginning that people are gonna be stereotypical towards us. Felt underestimated at first. But as I get to know my course mates and friends, I learn an important lesson I'd like to share.

Never ever judge a book by its cover. Beyond that the long hijab, the sacred songkok and white robes, there lay beautiful souls. Enthusiastic, powerful souls. That which I admire and envy much. I have a girl from a well-known Islamic school as my room mate. I have good friends from religious background as my desk mates. And I have big-hearted smarty pants from various states as my classmates. To which I'm feeling grateful to have the chance to meet. And if you think they only spend their times reciting Quran and preaching and study all the time, think twice. They are fun people and have good sense of humor as well! I'm impressed. :)

You go around speaking English and you're cool? Look, they can speak English too. AND Arabic. That's way cool-er.

So people, please don't be shallow. Never label people without knowing them first hand. And for those who got labeled, just ignore what people say. What's important is we know what we want and our sole intention. And when people asked me why I picked Middle East as my first choice. I'd say I have the answer waiting for me in the future. InshaAllah. Wallahualam.

Funny

The Internet suddenly has some issues lately for some out of the world reasons. Somehow the only webpage I can browse properly is Blogger. Haha. Very Funny.

ANYWAY.

So just now I called the TMNet operator and spoke to her in hope of obtaining some technical guidance. Apparently after over 40 minutes of conversation, it still doesn't work. But that's not the point.

The point is.

The kakak was so funny. She didn't even sound formal to begin with. Like not at all. Haha. Unlike your typical operator who are in fact supposed to be so monotonous and scripted. The latter being extra annoying. But, this kakak was different. She seemed like a quirky, awkward, funny lady. And surprisingly I didn't really mind her being that way at all. It finally feels like talking to a person, rather than talking to a robot who instructs you on what to do next.

"Kak, tak boleh pun."

"Laa yeke? Eh pelik nya. Ce try sekali lagi. Haa bukak command prompt tu lagi. Eh pelik betul ni. Ish."

"Same je kak. Tak boleh bukak pun."

"Try camni plak. Awak bukak kat situ tu. Ade tak kus-toom?"

"Ha? Apa tu? Oh. Custom la kak. Custom."

"Oh ha. Apa2 lah. Lepas tu awak right click belah kanan kat butang tu."

"Right click belah kanan ye kak? Ohhh OK. Right click belah kanan ye. Ok2."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ok now. Despite all the hard work and troubleshooting over the phone, the problem is not near solved. So the kakak said, somebody will come over tomorrow to take a look. I hope that somebody can fix this because I need to watch YouTube. Like, need. LOL.

Kay Tee

DAY 1, May 4 2011

Woke up early to the sound of my text message alert. Got a text from a girl friend saying she's not gonna make it, unfortunately. The plan has to go on nonetheless. I got ready, picked up another friend and off to Kuala Terengganu. We stopped for some refreshments in Besut and changed drivers. The route we took, which was coastal road is really amazing! Beautiful, picturesque scenery through out our journey. Tiba-tiba rasa macam Jason Mraz. In addition to that, the road was relatively empty. The traffic was being nice to amateur drivers like us and we sailed along without any obstacles. Alhamdulilah :)

About 2 hours and a half from KB, we were already approaching KT and friends over there has already ran a texting fiasco. Lols. Everyone was asking what is the approximate time of arrival, what's our plans for today, etc. Obviously we were super excited to meet each other and of course to have fun.

Our first stop was Shafiq's house right in the heart of the town. Whilst waiting for the other party, we met Shafiq's parents and lazed around his house. And then we had lunch at a restaurant. After performing our prayers at Aunty Yatt and Uncle Nasha's office, we headed to TER for bowling. But little did we know that it was under constructions.


Went to Taman Tamadun Islam instead and by coincidence, we decided to ride on a river cruise. Since we have nowhere else to go, so what the hell, river cruise it is! We were acting like a bunch of insane kids making so much noise inside the boat. HAHA. We were snapping photos and laughing like crazy over everything. Along the river, we saw a group of little kids on a little jetty and swimming by the riverbank. So, us, being so-called "friendly tourists" wove to them and greeted them. Tourists la sangat kan. And they wove back and replied with the friendliest gesture ever. THEY FLASHED HAHAHAHAHA. The whole boat roared with laughters. And of course ours were the loudest and longest. It took so much time to calm down. Lols how can I ever forget that. And the greatest part is... Shafiq snapped a photo of them doing that! HAHAHA.





At night, we had a marvellous dinner slash partayyyy. Thanks to our host for preparing awesome food. We spent the night talking and chilling out. Everyone went to bed really late that night. The fact that we had to wake up early that morning did not made any difference. But prior to that, we went out to run an errand. Actually it was only a packet of curry powder, but everyone wanted to follow Alia buying that. Pegi sampai 2 buah kereta kot, haha. The boys drove one and Alia drove one.

Being adventurous, she drove us around KT to see the city at night. It was already late, so there were not many cars. We were being random and decided to stop at a roundabout and took pictures at the replica of Batu Bersurat in the middle of KT! HAHA. When else can you do that, if not now, right?



DAY 2, May 5 2011

Konon2 nak bangun awal tapi memang never gonna happen la. Haha. We were a little bit off from our schedule but managed to depart quite early. Almost everyone slept in the van that took us from KT to Kerteh. So we could catch up on our sleep and save energy to hang out in Mesra Mall. The plan is to actually meet up with our friends over there but apparently not many that came. Lunch at the food court and went to the movies. We watched Thor 3D. The cinema was empty. There were only a couple of boys and us in the cinema. We owned that place babeyh. HAHA bising gila kot. Saje nak wak daghak hihi.


After Thor some went to watch another round of movie, but me and some of my clan were not too keen on that idea. We decided to karok out hearts out! This is definitely my favourite activity thus far. Haha. Bukan suara sedap pun. Saje nak galok. We karaoke-ed for an hour and a half! That's a record, even for me. Lama gila duk dalam tu. Habis lagu, habis suara dah nyanyi. Sampai lagu Khatijah Ibrahim pun nyanyi.



We hung out at Burger King after that. Eating and talking. Again, the loudest bunch in the restaurant. We were talking like there's no tomorrow. Amazing people. We can talk forever. Haha.


And its time to head back to KT. Dropped Dibek off on the way. So that left us with only five people. That night, Alia treated us to dinner at a restaurant. And we off to Waterfront Kampung Cina. It was a chilly night. Loved the sea breeze blowing. We walked on the bridge and snapped photos.



And just as we thought that we might be really drained that night and wanted to sleep early, I found the guitar tuner in my car I was searching. We jammed all night long with Alan's guitar, which according too him, has never been played. Haha. Actually, konon nya nak tunggu check UPU. Tapi katanya 12 tengah hari nanti. So I played the guitar and sang songs at the living room until the dead of night (or morning). Oh and until my fingers and left arm hurt like they never did before. Lols.





DAY 3, 6 May 2011

So, it was time to head back home. After breakfast at Alia's place, we said our goodbyes and thank her mother and aunty for their hospitality. They were truly lovely through out our times in KT. This I say it from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for everything!

We sent Shafiq back to his home and headed back to KB. I have to admit that it was really heartbreaking to say goodbye. I can't imagine what would we be like when we start our studies soon. Will definitely be hard to gather and hang out again. Sob sob sob :'(

Thank you guys for making this trip a wonderful one! I love you guys! Kalau ada rezeki nanti jumpa lagi. Hehe. Next trip, KB perhaps? Lols.

Of Tennis Balls and Bowling Balls

This post is long overdue due to some reasons. But who cares. I'mma write it out anyway. Just in case I'll be forgetting things when I'm older or God forbid getting Alzheimer, I can refer to what I wrote. Hopefully I'd still remember how to use the Internet lols. Nice plan right? Sorry, I am way too influenced by the television. Blame Grey's Anatomy. Meredith and Derek are currently working on an Alzheimer clinical trial. Just in case you don't know. Sorry can't help it.

ANYWAY.

I think this was last week. Or maybe two weeks ago? I tried playing tennis with a friend and I sucked at it. HAHA. Seriously. If there is an award for the worst tennis player in the world, I should be receiving it. Oh wait, I think that should be "The Worst Sportswoman" award. But oh well, I must thank my friend for having the patience to teach me although I was sending the tennis balls all over the court (and even out of the court). Did I just sound like a dumb blonde? =.=





We were sweating like pigs on a treadmill. But went to have breakfast at Secret Recipe anyhow. Because we are cool like that. Then, picked up a couple friends of ours and stopped by my house to change. And after smelling less like a pig. We got into the car and off to the mall.

But. Here comes the greatest part.

I have issues with the reverse gear. And so I ran into a car. Which happened to appear out of nowhere right at the back of mine. Except for a busted rear bumper and crashed lights, everything was fine. It was fine because it was in the compound of my house. LOL. It happened to be my house guard who was driving my dad's car. So yeah. All is well.

So that makes it two. I sucked at tennis and I sucked at driving. BUT. Despite all that. I bowled like a pro. ;)






Thank you guys. Thank you Dad for being cool when you came back from work just to see two of your cars busted and dented, courtesy of your pretty daughter :D

Long Weekend

We had 3 days of weekends, not that it makes any difference to me because well, I have been on holidays since 5 months ago haha. So yeah, we decided to go down west and meet up with our recent additions of the family ; my two super adorable nephews. Brought them both to dinner at Sakae Sushi, but not that they're already eating sushi =.=''

And then Dad drove to Kuantan and spent a night over there. Even if its only a night, I used it to the full and meet up with my lovely friends. I don't intend to hang out at first because I was there only for a short time. But what the hell, I texted Nadiah and she being such a kaki ronggeng tak kesah pun. Boleh je keluar. And so we went to the movies, watched a Malay horror movie called Seru. Well me being myself don't really adore the suspense and kekurangan ajar director film itu haha, so I was clinging to Madihah through out the movie. Afiqah pun bajet je tak takut padahal tutup mata beriya hahaha.

And I think I have a thing for karaokes. My favourite activity to hang out with friends other than talking over meals, is definitely karaoke. After eating dinner, we performed our prayers and went to sing our lungs out. Lols. And of course our theme songs were sung too! Antara lagu2 wajib ialah Drowning by Backstreet Boys and Superman by Five For Fighting. :P



Photos courtesy of Cik Nadiah BS

Before I went back to Kota Bharu, I managed to squeeze a short breakfast with my senior whom I never met since he last left school haha. I think the last time I met him was when I was in Form Two. We weren't even friends that time haha. Biasa lah high school. But thanks to globalisation and communication technology (read: Facebook and mobile phones) we keep in touch and became friends. So he picked me up from the hotel and drove to TC. We had a nice McDonald's breakfast by the beach. Seriously missing the laidback atmosphere in TC. And since it was public holidays, the beach was quite packed with early risers. And so we chatted and ate and drank and share stories about high school and life in the university. It was nice meeting someone from the past. Haha past la sangat. Anyway thanks a lot Adik Mun! Thank you for waking up early even though you had a 12 hours drive that night :P

Click for Nad's entry on our outing

Interview Experience

After days of dreading going to the interview, today I am proud to say that the mission is finally accomplished! Filling the same exact MARA form for the second time felt like a replay of frustrations I experienced not too long ago. Some sort of a dejavu if you would like to put it that way. And feeling quite crappy the night before doesn't help too much. Thanks for all the supports from the people I care about the most, I managed to gather my thoughts and woke up today with a fiery spirit. Carefree I must day. Dapat dapat lah. Tak dapat sudah.

I'm grateful that I had such great groupmates today, especially the boys. Everyone was so co-operative and very well-prepared. Needless to say that each and everyone of us knew what's in store for us. So we did a small discussion prior to the session. And when we were called, the first thing I saw was the spaghettis and yes I must say that I have never been happier in life to see a bunch of raw spaghetthis on the table. We were given 30 minutes to complete the task and it turned so ugly. Haha. Whatever designs we planned didn't work out. But who cares. The bridge we built was strong enough to support a 500g load on it! I was reminding myself not to forget to breathe and after that 1 minute passing time, I randomly grabbed a groupmate and hugged her. Lols so random.

And then we had to sit in a row and was thrown a question regarding the group activity we did. Each has to answer the question in a minute time allocated. And I was thanking God for my very few impromptu public speaking skills I learnt at school. It really helped. The question given to me was :

"Who do you think would be the most efficient leader in your group?"

I went quiet for a few seconds, just trying to figure things out. I read somewhere that its essential to think and take your time before opening your mouth. Because answering too quickly will make you lose your composure.

And so I answered.

"If I were to pick a leader for my group I would pick myself."

I told the panel that I was sorry for being vain but I have reasons to my answers. And so I promoted myself. Really crossing my fingers hoping that the panel don't regard me as a self-centered bitch.

And yeah. Overall I am very satisfied with my performance during the interview. But I'm not setting my hopes too high seeing that I do have so many disadvantages. Especially me taking only 9 subjects for SPM. Good luck to everyone else who are still waiting for their turns to have a go at the interview. And to MARA, that was a nice concept. Really went straight to the hands-on abilities of the applicants. Not much talking. Because people tend to be hypocritical when they speak. Talk is cheap. Everyone can do that right? It time to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Well done.

Tepek

Here are some of the videos we made yesterday. Ye lah, kan buat cover album. Takkan cover album dah ada, lagu tak ade kan? Haha. Enjoy the videos by our "band" Marital Status. Lols inside jokes.

First take : Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. First heard in So You Think You Can Dance. Billie and Kathryn ftw. Anyway, we got only to the second verse. And decided to end right there I don't know why.





Second take : Grenade by Bruno Mars. Also stopped abruptly in the middle of the song because I couldn't see the chords. Haha.





So, anyone interested in signing us a record label? HAHAHAHAHA. Ok bye.

Surprise?

I remembered going down the same road not two years back. The obnoxious feeling of cruising through the bridge overseeing Perhentian Island,especially. And what I felt on that day was totally the opposite of what I felt today. Today it felt nostalgic, joyful, excited and confident. Its funny how those feelings can change drastically.

And so the plan to surprise our teacher for her birthday today didn't quite work out. Thanks to yours truly me. Hehe. We came in two cars; all the way each from Kota Bharu and Kuala Terengganu. See, that's the price for studying in a boarding school. We all live in different areas and came from various backgrounds. But hell yeah, we rock nonetheless. Our amazing teachers taught us how to rock ;)


See? No one has great teachers like them. Only us! Haha. So. We loitered around the good old staffroom. We ate, chatted, sang and laughed like a bunch of crazy kids. It felt good to see the familiar atmosphere and environment. Good to see some of the other teachers. Good to see the familiar trees, the stairs and the classrooms.

We were being random and wanted to go to a beach nearby. So we drove around in a car and stumbled upon this beautiful, secluded and picturesque beach. Never knew that a place so breathtaking existed near our school. We chilled and sang songs, doing nothing. That was lovely. We didn't have anything to think of, just enjoying each others' company.




You know, our school might not be the best school in the country. People we meet would less likely to have even ever heard of this school. It may not have the best facilities. We don't have 100 straight A's students. It may be located in a small town called "Besut". We may not have any malls to go out for outings every weekends. But this small school in a small town? Its beautiful and it taught us a lot.

Oh, and I might not have many friends. But the ones I have? They are the best. And funny too! HAHA. Lesson : Never put your car to "D" gear when you wanna park it. This only applies to auto cars :P

And to our teachers ; Miss Erin & Miss Fatihah. You know your kampung boys and kampung girls love you with all our tiny hearts :)

Baby I Was Born This Way

Today is my kakak's birthday. Her name is Wan Nor Aishah binti Wan Ab. Ghaffar. Yes, we have back to back birthdays. And yes, we had to share birthday parties back then. Sometimes birthday presents too T.T

She taught me how to ride the bicycle. We played pretend teachers. She coached me for my first ever spelling bee competition. She coached me for my first story telling competition. She taught me how to spell the word "together". She kicked the fake ghost in the haunted house we went to because I was too scared.

I didn't have many friends when I was a kid. Infact I don't even have that many of now. However, she was the total opposite. I loved being friends with her friends ever since I was young. I know she found me annoying but what the hell. She did let me inside her circle of friends anyway. I know she hated that. When she started going out with her friends to the movies, I wanted to follow. And so I did. I would be at her tail following her and her friends all the time. But I guess she was okay with it when we all grew a little older. Probably thinking she was obliged to babysit her little siblings. I remembered one time, I think it was Shrek. Me and my little brother tagged along to the movies, she was the only one among her friends who brought little siblings. I know that was uncool, right sister? And when you went dating with your boyfriend, you had to bring us along. That was not cool right?

When we went to the shop at our old house in Kuantan and I wanted to buy Fisherman's Friends, but the money you had wasn't enough. That was not cool too.

So, I'd like to say thank you for being totally cool when you weren't supposed to be. I'd like to say thank you for motivating me. I thank you for being the star of inspiring stories I tell to my friends. They adore you for being a scholar. I want to say thank you for being funny. You're a gem; keep shining.

Good luck for your final year. Be a great accountant!

HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY SISTER! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME :)

Happy? Maybe

For Afiqah Anwar who requested River Flows In You but I reckon that was too hard. Haha. So this is Kiss The Rain. Tadaaa. Tapi tak lah hebat pun.





So, happy 18th to me. It took me 18 years to get to where I am today. Now please excuse me. I'm gonna go pat my shoulders and give myself a kiss on the cheek. LOLS.

Anyway. Here are the 18 most important lessons I have learned for about 18 years now. Or at least the ones significant enough for me to think of tonight.


1. Being too polite would sometimes make you look like a total loser.
2. Your very good childhood friends can turn into a real stranger when they grow up.
3. Great friends stick around until the end.
4. Family always comes first no matter what.
5. Setting your hopes too high would most probably mean you'll get your heart crushed at the end of the day.
6. Hard work really pays!
7. Its okay to show your emotions sometimes :')
8. Its okay if you fail sometimes.
9. But its not okay if you ever give up on life.
10. Self-esteem is the utmost important aspect in presenting yourself.
11. There's nothing more satisfying than a good old praise after the efforts you gave
12. Admitting you don't know is way better than pretending you do know.
13. Well, honesty is always the best policy.
14. Never grow up too fast. Wait for your time. It'll come when it comes.
15. If you have passion for it, just go for it.
16. Envy is the root of all evils.
17. To be honest, I love being treated special and pampered. But oh well, that doesn't(can't) happen all the time.
18. Overcome your fear. Its ok to be out of your comfort zone once in a while.

Unfit

After several months of lazing around practically doing nothing, today I did something remarkable. An initiative I finally accomplished after I don't know how many attempts. Damn I am so proud of myself. Wanna know what I did?

I RAN ON THE TREADMILL! TEE HEEEE.

That thing has been sitting around for ages but I've only tried it a few times. So I did a 30 minutes run. And it feels good. It really did and I'm surprised.

Ok now. I am no way near aneroxic. Don't ever get me wrong ok. But I just feel like a total couch potato and a fatfak (tiru Obefiend) these few days doing nothing. And plus I was just extremely bored. What moved me to the treadmill really? Well because I have plans to take up some sports and go for jogs with my friends but those are nothing but just mere plans. Sad but true. And today, I realized how useless I am when I was watching the telly, eating potato chips and snuggle on the couch like a lazy bum. So I decided to really get my ass of the couch and move it move it babeyh!

I sweat like a pig. Hang on, do pigs even sweat? Should really submit this myth on Mythbuster to test. Anyhow, I really liked the feeling and I suddenly recalled when was the last time I perspired intentionally. As in do sports la. Hmmm.. It went back to when I was still an avid horseback rider. Say, four years ago? Lols. Obviously I am a total lazy arse at school, so I didn't join any sports. Gee I don't even have any athletic abilities to begin with.

ANYWAY.

I thought I was kinda hot. I thought I kinda looked good after the run and admired myself in the mirror. HAHA. Taking narcissism to the pinnacle yo! Sorry. But I couldn't help it. So to conclude, I say exercise is good for you because they make you look great. They make you feel better. So people, this is a public service announcement. Amalkanlah gaya hidup sihat! :)



See. Told ya I looked good :P