Silent Reverie: To Daddy With Love

It's the New Year again and I am in the midst of finals. Not that I care. I was studying Chemistry like a true nerd on New Year's Eve. I was engrossed in the first order reactions and Bronsted-Lowry acid-base when I heard the fireworks and not to forget the crazy car honks from the University Street. Those Arabs and their honks. Phew. I didn't know what I feel. Yeah, it's New Year, and...? I didn't feel like celebrating at all until Amalina told me to play a few songs on my guitar. Yes people I play music, so what. And so that was it. A little "celebration" on New Year's Eve.

No no no. Don't tell me to review my 2011. I am way too lazy. What is done, is done. I am in no mood to recall any of the memories. But one thing that I can conclude about 2011 is, it was a year of good riddance, joy, finding my identity, discovery, success, friends, family, heart break and acceptance. And I learnt to open to my feelings a little bit. There, not bad for "one thing to say" eh?

I have lots of things are going through my mind right now and I just can't focus on all of the things at once.

All rants aside.

Over the last few years, we had barbecues and fireworks during New Year at my house. Nope, not to say that we partayy during New Year, but New Year means a lot to the family because my Abah have his birthday on the second of January.

And this year on his 52nd birthday, I am 6+ GMTs away from home. 6 hours behind.

I have never been away from home this long. And nobody can tell how much I want to go home badly at times. When I wake up to a freezing winter morning, how much I hope I am tucked in the warmth of home. How much I want to go to the kitchen and see Mama cooks. And how much I want to hear my Abah's call for solat jemaah. How much I want to tease Muhammad watching Fairly OddParents at the age of 15.

Maybe, my Abah, isn't like any other Dads. Maybe, he isn't the definition of a "cool dad". Maybe, Abah has really loud voice when he scolds. Maybe, Abah has a way of making people listen to him. Maybe, he doesn't care that his hair is uncombed, his shirt is un-ironed. Maybe, he doesn't mind wearing cheap shoes to work, maybe he often forgets that his fishes in the aquarium needs clean water to swim in.

But one thing for sure, Abah will always be my one and only Abah.

And with that Abah, I thank you for giving your hand for me to hold every night when I was a kid. I thank you for bringing us to the mini zoo before I go to school in the evening. And thank you for showing up with a birthday cake at my kindergarten class. Thank you for helping me sew my scout's badges when Mama was not around. Thank you for buying Nasi Ayam for lunch when we had no maid to cook for us. Thank you for driving to my school in a whole different state every evening for a week when I had trouble adapting with boarding school. You told me its okay to not like it at first. If it wasn't for you I would have run away from that school, Abah. I thank you for telling me its okay when I hit your car while reversing. Thank you for putting your trust on me all these years. Thank you for being my Abah.

Abah, people can keep on pointing out your flaws. But you have always stood strong and never budge. You are the strongest man I have ever known. A man I proudly call my father. Because you faced it all and you stood tall. And you did it your way, indeed.

I have never once forget you and Mama in my prayers.

And upon man We ordained kindness towards parents; and if they strive to make you ascribe a partner with Me, about which you do not have any knowledge, then do not obey them; towards Me only is your return and I will tell you what you used to do. (29:8)