A wise someone once told me "being around positive people sends out positive vibes on yourself". Well obviously speaking, of course being in a positive environment gives out positive energy. And who wouldn't love that? Right?
Well I'm not gonna babble about how negativity creates stress, unhealthy environment yadda yadda.
It's just that I've been wandering and pondering about myself lately. Whether am I a positive person to be with? Do I offer comfort to people around me? Am I even likable. And the list goes on. Not that I'm having self esteem issues, it's just a..... reflection on how I act around people. Okay whatever.
Let me break it down to you.
Sometimes after I said something, I'd bit on my tongue and mentally slapping myself because I know I said something wrong or hurtful. And sometimes when people tries to get friendly, I'd go all hard and cold. And then I'd try imagining myself being in others' shoes. How would they feel if I were to be their place? And the regret episodes start to kick in...
Plus, I suck at meeting new people. Or at least I think so. Yeah I'm pretty sure I am. I'll act all awkward and ask stupid questions. Once somebody came to my house, and didn't greet salaam. And whaddaya know I yelled assalamualaikum loudly. What the hell. That wasn't necessary to begin with. Talk about a good start leads to bad ending...
I don't wanna be the kind of person who keeps to herself all the time. I want to be a warm person to be with. The one who creates "positive vibes" around her friends. The one who lift them up when they're down. The one who can fit with anyone, anywhere and talk about just anything. I guess all these while I was okay with being that way. I mean come on that's how I am, why do I have to change myself? But I guess sometimes you just gotta lower down your ego and accept the fact that there are actually things about you that might not be likable. Slowly, but surely...change. Now that I live in a slightly bigger community (read: more housemates) , I have to withstand more attitudes and tolerate with each other, I learn. I learnt how to be patient. And not be too hard on people. And myself for the record.
However I believe that I'm not THAT bad when it comes to socializing. But certainly I'm not the best at it. I'm not a monster who lives alone all the time. Neither am I an angel who everyone comes looking for. I just need chances to improve myself as a human being. I need to tell myself that I am capable of loving and caring as well. Even after all that had happened (or had not). And if I don't grab these chances I guess I'm the one who's at lost.
An usrah meeting this week talked about challenges and tests Allah gives to His slaves. From an usrah member I quote "The tests Allah bring us to, it's not there for nothing. They are brought to us to teach us the values we still lack of."
Touche.
Well I'm not gonna babble about how negativity creates stress, unhealthy environment yadda yadda.
It's just that I've been wandering and pondering about myself lately. Whether am I a positive person to be with? Do I offer comfort to people around me? Am I even likable. And the list goes on. Not that I'm having self esteem issues, it's just a..... reflection on how I act around people. Okay whatever.
Let me break it down to you.
Sometimes after I said something, I'd bit on my tongue and mentally slapping myself because I know I said something wrong or hurtful. And sometimes when people tries to get friendly, I'd go all hard and cold. And then I'd try imagining myself being in others' shoes. How would they feel if I were to be their place? And the regret episodes start to kick in...
Plus, I suck at meeting new people. Or at least I think so. Yeah I'm pretty sure I am. I'll act all awkward and ask stupid questions. Once somebody came to my house, and didn't greet salaam. And whaddaya know I yelled assalamualaikum loudly. What the hell. That wasn't necessary to begin with. Talk about a good start leads to bad ending...
I don't wanna be the kind of person who keeps to herself all the time. I want to be a warm person to be with. The one who creates "positive vibes" around her friends. The one who lift them up when they're down. The one who can fit with anyone, anywhere and talk about just anything. I guess all these while I was okay with being that way. I mean come on that's how I am, why do I have to change myself? But I guess sometimes you just gotta lower down your ego and accept the fact that there are actually things about you that might not be likable. Slowly, but surely...change. Now that I live in a slightly bigger community (read: more housemates) , I have to withstand more attitudes and tolerate with each other, I learn. I learnt how to be patient. And not be too hard on people. And myself for the record.
However I believe that I'm not THAT bad when it comes to socializing. But certainly I'm not the best at it. I'm not a monster who lives alone all the time. Neither am I an angel who everyone comes looking for. I just need chances to improve myself as a human being. I need to tell myself that I am capable of loving and caring as well. Even after all that had happened (or had not). And if I don't grab these chances I guess I'm the one who's at lost.
An usrah meeting this week talked about challenges and tests Allah gives to His slaves. From an usrah member I quote "The tests Allah bring us to, it's not there for nothing. They are brought to us to teach us the values we still lack of."
Touche.
1 comment:
" Puaskan hati semua org macam baring atas rel ktm.' - Jasse
" Kita memang kena utamakan org lain.." - Alaa
Jangan sampai tertekan sbb nak tolerate dgn perangai crap org jugak. Hihi
I love you just the way you are, huchek!
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