Sleepy

A month in Irbid

And I shall stop counting.

Classes have started and despite the distance, I find it tolerable. I accept that I didn't get to live with my friends from prep college. I accept the fact that I was yet again isolated. It always has to be me, is it? But fret not, I wouldn't be put into those situations if I didn't have the strength. Yes I admit. The first feeling that came across my mind was ohcrapiamsogonnabealonerfortherestofmylife. And I admit that I did cry, fell sick and felt lonely. But Allah wouldn't let me go through what I can not go through. I found new friends. To that I thank Allah so much. Friends that will not let me go through this journey alone. Crossing my fingers, figuratively of course.

Initially I was scared of being the only one. Even though I was used to standing on my own feet. I feared the unknown of the alien world. And I was mad that I was always the ugly duckling. The black sheep. Or whatever you wanna call it. I won't lie and say I have now full blown confidence and bravery, but it did build up in my body, bit by bit as they say.

People say, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

I tried to blend in and do what the "Romans" do. I did. And hopefully my effort shows. I want to be the one who people respects and honour. That people listen to and seek advices from.

Sounds impossible though. I think I have been too analytical towards myself that sometimes when it comes to the real thing, I get inappropriate signals from the neurons in the brain and I starts to freak out every now and then. Maybe too self conscious. Maybe.

Oh well.

I would never repeat the same mistake again. The mistake I did when I was younger. I will never miss golden opportunities. I wanna stand in the crowd. Or at least stands in the eyes of my loved ones and God knows, future ones.

But most importantly, I want to stand out in the eyes of the Creator.