Insecurities

Paris 2001

I never thought that one day I would end up being a dental student. All I knew was I wanted to do language. Or anything that is closely related to arts.

I hated science to be frank.

I started out Form 4 in the technical stream. I took up Engineering Drawing and Engineering Technology. Being the only straight A's student in class. I thought I made the right choice. I wanted to be an architect. I love drawings and analysing objects. I never thought I'd learn Biology again. Until I made up my mind to go into MRSM. A pure science school.

I was four months behind everyone. Honestly I freaked out. I thought I would never survive the subject. But what the hell, either I die or I die trying.

But I didn't die.

Of course.

Somehow with the help of my Biology teacher, I - not to boast; but kinda excelled. He was loved by the students. That GTO kinda teacher. I like him though sometimes he can be really erm.... how do I put this nicely. Bad ass? But he was different than the typical teachers, and thus I began liking the subject he taught.

And I grew fonder of the wonders of Biology.

It was weird really. Not even one of my siblings are in the medical field. Neither are my parents. Dad and brother are engineers. Both of my sisters are accountants. Mom's an expert in chemistry. Somehow I'm the different one, wanting to take Medicine.

Well, initially. That was what I wanted to do. It was between Medicine or English.

Somehow.
Now I found myself learning about teeth.
In a non-English speaking country.
Bam.


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I never thought I would end up being in the Middle East.

Yes like how the Malaysians perceive. Middle Easts = very pious and religious. Which is totally different from where I come from.

I mean not to say that I wasn't religious at all. I had basic Islamic teachings in me. My parents did a great job with that alhamdulilah. But I wasn't really from that kind of "background" where guys don't speak to girls and vice versa, where girls don on long hijabs and joining usrahs. Yeah you get my point.

I went to a Christian kindergarten. Where the headmistress was a nun. Yes, a true nun who doesn't get married and wears a scarf. My primary school was a Convent. Where the number of Malays and non-Malays are equal.

They taught me Islamic values I didn't get to see in this Islamic country, sadly. Somehow I think being in a non-Islamic country will make me appreciate Islam more. That wasn't the point. Oh well..

Everything about Middle East screams out the opposite for me. But I made the decision myself. And here I am today, sitting on a sofa listening to the beautiful azzan from a native Arab tongue.

And wondering why on earth am I doing here.


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Our lives will always have those "I never thought that I would..." moments. Things don't just easily go according to your plans. I wish it was that easy.

I know this is one of the most overused phrases but...
When you think like the whole world is against you, please please bear in mind that Allah always have better plans for you.

We can plan for so long and lose it in a blink of an eye. We can plan for everything but not a single thing worked out well. We can plan so good and yet fail so badly. Cause in life things don't just always go your way.

Unless you work it out. And make prayers to Him. If and only if He wills.

But you still have to work for it nonetheless.

Right?

Sincerely,
Me.