I'm not sure if i should write negative feelings in here. I promised myself to keep this journal very casual and happy and not dark. But idk i just feel like i should write it down somewhere. And i rly am not sure if this is even healthy. I might delete this later.
So today I was supposed to complete my rct case and do a definitive restoration. But apparently dr muen asked me to redo the obturation for my case bcos one of the canals was badly done. I admit, i actually had an instinct that i wouldnt finish today. I actually doubted dr would allow me to proceed. But idk why i didn't wanna think much about it. So i just went through with it only hoping for the best, he came at 10.30. I know i wouldnt have the time. So yeah i kinda went backwards with the case. I now have to extract all the GP inside the MB canal. That's one thing. And i hv to reobturate it again. It was very frustrating my hands were shaking. I didn't know what to do cos honestly it was so hard. I just felt like quitting in the middle to be honest. Dr muen scolded me bcos i was so serabut and he said "do i have to do all your job?". That was my last straw. I rly wanted to break down there and then but i pulled it together bcos the last thing i want is to cry in front of my patient. I apologised to the patient and he said its ok no problem. But rly tho 7 visits for a fucking rct? Sigh i ve never been this frustrated. I think i just failed miserably. I feel bad for making Alia miss all the clinics. But rly what could i possibly do?
So i cried at the end of the clinic. It was my first time crying in front of people in the clinic. I honestly was trying to hold back and not make a big deal out of it. But i guess it was fine to break down a little in front of my friends. At least they know i'm so not okay with this. It has been bothering for weeks actually. I couldn't sleep and this anxiety is just killing me each day. People should know i'm not doing okay. I don't hv to be uptight and cover up all the time right?
Problem is i rly dont know what should i do with this. Im going off to Dubai soon. I rly wanna go. Shit idk this sucks. I know shits happen. But shits happen to me all the time. Everything just seem to go down the drain. My love life, my clinical practice... I know I should look into positive sides but rn im just so depressed thinking about it. Sometimes i feel like i should just quit. Idk this is too hard
So today I was supposed to complete my rct case and do a definitive restoration. But apparently dr muen asked me to redo the obturation for my case bcos one of the canals was badly done. I admit, i actually had an instinct that i wouldnt finish today. I actually doubted dr would allow me to proceed. But idk why i didn't wanna think much about it. So i just went through with it only hoping for the best, he came at 10.30. I know i wouldnt have the time. So yeah i kinda went backwards with the case. I now have to extract all the GP inside the MB canal. That's one thing. And i hv to reobturate it again. It was very frustrating my hands were shaking. I didn't know what to do cos honestly it was so hard. I just felt like quitting in the middle to be honest. Dr muen scolded me bcos i was so serabut and he said "do i have to do all your job?". That was my last straw. I rly wanted to break down there and then but i pulled it together bcos the last thing i want is to cry in front of my patient. I apologised to the patient and he said its ok no problem. But rly tho 7 visits for a fucking rct? Sigh i ve never been this frustrated. I think i just failed miserably. I feel bad for making Alia miss all the clinics. But rly what could i possibly do?
So i cried at the end of the clinic. It was my first time crying in front of people in the clinic. I honestly was trying to hold back and not make a big deal out of it. But i guess it was fine to break down a little in front of my friends. At least they know i'm so not okay with this. It has been bothering for weeks actually. I couldn't sleep and this anxiety is just killing me each day. People should know i'm not doing okay. I don't hv to be uptight and cover up all the time right?
Problem is i rly dont know what should i do with this. Im going off to Dubai soon. I rly wanna go. Shit idk this sucks. I know shits happen. But shits happen to me all the time. Everything just seem to go down the drain. My love life, my clinical practice... I know I should look into positive sides but rn im just so depressed thinking about it. Sometimes i feel like i should just quit. Idk this is too hard
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