I'm in the midst of midterm exams. I have 3 more papers before winter break of which I am very looking forward to. These workloads and emotional stress is just too much for me to handle. The past few weeks I've been very upset and unhappy. I hated my job, I hated myself and I just basically hate eveything that happens to be in my way. I'm on the verge of depression but I really don't wanna go there. It's a dark and dangerous place trust me. So I spent some time off reading for exams yesterday and watch motivational Youtube videos on being happy again, had some talk with Alia over McDonald's. Sarah texted me and checked up on me, which was nice. Oh and I'm talking to Kimi again, which was very confusing at first. I don't wanna lead him on anything, but I guess the facetime call was just a one time thing. Making amends, and that's just about it. I'm not gonna disrupt other people's relationships. I told Alia to slap me if ever I'm gonna do anything like that. I know I am very blessed with good hearts around me and I should care more about people who actually cares for me. And just stop getting disappointed with shits that jerks throw at my face. Cause those jerks are just not worth my time, let alone my tears.
I need to learn to be positive. But it's not easy. Coming from my true self who is very pessimist, I need to learn not to be too hard on myself and change my perspective towards life. But it's okay at least I try. I'm gonna give credits to my own self for being able to pick myself up everytime I fall. And it's okay. There are lessons I have to learn from these things I experienced. It's hurtful. But deep down inside i guess i know why it happened the way it did. I know I cant help feeling like ashamed over what happened, but im only human. We make mistakes and i just happen to err a little bit more than the others.
So I have OMFS paper tomorrow at 3 and Paedo clinic in the morning. I've read not even half of the materials. I had my period yesterday and today the pain was just unbearable I couldnt even bring myself to the table and study. I didnt even eat anything except for a glass of milk just to down 2 tablets of paracetamol. Had the heated pad over my abdomen and slept for an hour or two ive no idea i lost count. The pills took sometime to kick in, so in the mean time before i was finally able to doze off, in mind all I could think of was what a pity that I couldn't rely on anyone if i'm sick. I was in so much pain but i'm under the covers all by own not knowing who to seek comfort to. I never go to my parents and bermanja with them if I get sick cause we just don't have that kind of relationship which is pretty sad but that's okay. Well i guess it's time i depend on myself cause let's face it, no one's gonna care if i don't.
Now that I'm awake, and the pain's gone (all hail paracetamol) I've eaten a bowl of porridge Nais generously made for us. I feel so much better now. So i've to stop being a brat and start studying. Whoa man no one gave me a head's up on how life sucks this much as an adult. Life is tough. But i'm pushing through. I just wanna be genuinely happy again. Inshallah
I need to learn to be positive. But it's not easy. Coming from my true self who is very pessimist, I need to learn not to be too hard on myself and change my perspective towards life. But it's okay at least I try. I'm gonna give credits to my own self for being able to pick myself up everytime I fall. And it's okay. There are lessons I have to learn from these things I experienced. It's hurtful. But deep down inside i guess i know why it happened the way it did. I know I cant help feeling like ashamed over what happened, but im only human. We make mistakes and i just happen to err a little bit more than the others.
So I have OMFS paper tomorrow at 3 and Paedo clinic in the morning. I've read not even half of the materials. I had my period yesterday and today the pain was just unbearable I couldnt even bring myself to the table and study. I didnt even eat anything except for a glass of milk just to down 2 tablets of paracetamol. Had the heated pad over my abdomen and slept for an hour or two ive no idea i lost count. The pills took sometime to kick in, so in the mean time before i was finally able to doze off, in mind all I could think of was what a pity that I couldn't rely on anyone if i'm sick. I was in so much pain but i'm under the covers all by own not knowing who to seek comfort to. I never go to my parents and bermanja with them if I get sick cause we just don't have that kind of relationship which is pretty sad but that's okay. Well i guess it's time i depend on myself cause let's face it, no one's gonna care if i don't.
Now that I'm awake, and the pain's gone (all hail paracetamol) I've eaten a bowl of porridge Nais generously made for us. I feel so much better now. So i've to stop being a brat and start studying. Whoa man no one gave me a head's up on how life sucks this much as an adult. Life is tough. But i'm pushing through. I just wanna be genuinely happy again. Inshallah
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