Delete

There's always that one point where I wanted to delete this blog and shove it away for once, but I somehow I kept on coming back to it. Clinging on and reading all my old posts. I don't know if I actually can.

Probably not.

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You know when sometimes you're at a low point in your life and everything just seems so uncertain that even crying doesn't resolve anything. Anything at all. I have no idea what went wrong on that day but everything seemed blurry. Maybe it was a kick in the gut. Or a slap in the face. A reminder from above that I shouldn't be anywhere near what I was feeling at that time. That anything could happen in a blink of an eye.

It wasn't anyone's fault. And I refuse to believe that it was mine either. But I guess all I need to do was to pick myself up and start from rock bottom, or so they said.

And I tried. I did try.

Then it felt good. I felt the spirits and determinations. But that is one thing that I was afraid of. That the spirits will make me forget of what I felt. That bucking up myself will delude the grief and fiery determinations. The higher I get up, the further I felt from the moral of the story.

Which made me wonder. What does it takes to keep it at that? What does it takes for me to stay motivated?

Keeping myself at the lowest point of my life? If that is the only way then I think I should.

Finals coming up in a week. Allahu yusahilna.