Tests

I have people coming up to me saying things like I've had things easy. I'll always have money when I need it. There's always a way for me to get what I want.

Well, I never really was very offended with those statements. Cause I think it has some truth in it. I've (almost) always get what I want ever since I was a kid. My father is the kind of dad who goes extra mile for eveything we want. Things like getting a scholarship, a job, going into good schools, he got us a driver when i was still in school. And when he got kicked out of DRB Hicom, he drove us around instead. He gave my brother and sisters a car each upon graduation and I even have my own waiting for me. He basically prepares things for us. Not necessarily everything, but yeah none of us had to worry about things like that while we grew up. He always has his ways. 

But daddy is not getting any younger. He can't work that hard anymore. He was diagnosed with glaucoma and he recently lost one of his eyesight. The other eye has only 45% vision. Idk, i can't help imagining the worse case scenario. What if he can't read texts one day? What happen if I can't send him texts like I'm doing now everyday? What happens if he can't read Quran anymore? He loves writing, he writes in his planner everyday. What happens if one day he can't write any longer? He loves to travel. We traveled alot together. What happens if one day he can't see the places we go to? What if what if what if? 

I did a huge favor for him the other day in Cardiff. It was impossible to do at first, but I couldn't help but to not disappoint him. So i managed to order the headstone for late kakak qamariah. He said he was very happy that I did that for him. I am very happy too, I hope he knows. 

And he keeps on texting me that he wants to go see the headstone as soon as it's planted. Which will be in April. And he wants me to go with him. It secretly occurs to me what if he couldn't get to see it. Allahu.. God knows how much I want to go, but I have to get my priorities straight. I can't risk another distraction for finals. 

I've been totally broke these 2 weeks ever since I got back from Europe. It sucks. I admit I had it easy. But not anymore. I too have times when I have to ikat perut and not spend on things I need whatmore want. But it's the price I hv to pay for going on a trip. It's okay I know I will recover from this broke-ness. But all i have in my mind right now is my father. It's that point of life where I realize that I have to learn how to survive independently. My parents won't be here to support me forever. And it breaks every single piece of soul inside me.